Working Through Social Phobia
Working Through Social Phobia
Coach Corey Wayne discusses how to overcome social awkwardness, insecurity & become confident enough to attract the kind of women you want.
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all right I’m coach Cory Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be working through social phobia I got an email here from a guy from New Zealand and apparently he’s he’s got social phobia he feels kind of awkward and it’s a pretty common problem actually a lot of guys are shy or like specially like when I was younger it’s like I didn’t know what to say I didn’t know how to interact with women I didn’t know how to simply have a simple conversation and it was very difficult very challenging I had plenty of girls that I knew that I was friends with but they never seemed to want to date me or anything other than something that was strictly platonic and this particular guy is pretty much no he’s afraid of him but he’s also kind of afraid of afraid afraid of men so he says hi Cory my questions for you is this is your fee flexible and I assume you’re talking about my coaching fee and the answer is no I’m a student I live in New Zealand and can only afford the $60 I get from the government and I would say well I guess if you really want me to coach you then you’ll just save up your money I get there’s plenty of guys that do that they only book coaching sessions when they can save up enough money to do it so it really boils down to your own motivation and how much you feel it is worth in order to invest in yourself and the question is is do you feel you’re worth the money to spend to hire someone like myself to coach you and help you improve your life because obviously by talking to someone like me and reading my work and reading my book and stuff you gain all the knowledge that I’ve spent my whole last two decades of my life acquiring all my mistakes all my all the landmines I stepped on so to speak in life and and caused mistakes and and things that I learned from and then I can share these things with you and so you can learn from so you don’t make the same mistakes and so instead of take you twenty years to learn everything that I’ve learned the past twenty years literally in a matter of hours weeks and months you can learn what I teach and apply this stuff in your own life and you’ll get the same results so he says I’d be interested but I see your title as a life coach how are you different from a counselor and I said I got several clients that have counselors or they have psychologists and counselors and psychologists like the psychologists are medical doctors and they can prescribe medication for you like antidepressants and stuff like that and I’ve got clients on a coach that are on those things and I’ve got other clients that have counselors and the counselors tend is like somebody go to you talk about your feelings and all you know your daddy and your mommy issues and all that kind of stuff and what a coach does with someone like me does a peak performance coach is what I do is I figure out by asking you a series of questions what it is that you really want in life what is most important to you what it is that you want to accomplish not just with picking up women and having better improving your dating quality and having great relationships ultimately but what do you really want what are the goals that you want what are the dreams we’re the types of things that you’d really love to do which you’ve always been kind of maybe embarrassed to share with anybody because it was such a ridiculous goal or it just seemed like it was just too impossible for someone like you that there’s just no way you could achieve something like that and so what you figure out what it is that you want which your most important goals are then I help you formulate a plan to start acting on it and I ask you questions to make sure that we’re getting discovering what it is it’s your true purpose and what your true passion because especially like you know if you’re going to start a business or you’re going to go back to college you know it just depends on me sometimes some of these things take a decade or longer to accomplish I one client who had been an on road trucker for a number of years and he finally went to college but he’s got an eight year journey ahead of him just to go through school and so before you make those major life choices and commitments you got to make sure you’re doing something that you really really really want to do and that you have a passion for and once you know and you you are certain and you’re in your heart of hearts and only you can know when you’re there is it once you’ve discovered what your true purpose it’s it’s the kind of thing that you’ll do for free that you love and it makes you happy if you want to be more successful women being successful the women really boils down to you your ability to feel successful as a man and that means as you apply the types of things that I talk about in all areas of your life and start improving them what happens is you start to achieve more success you take better care of your body you work out you start to look better you’re eating healthier you have more energy you need less sleep therefore you more efficient your mental clarity is higher you just naturally you’re going to feel better if you’re eating better foods live foods higher energy type foods the type of stuff that grows and the earth or green vegetable juices I’m a big advocate of juicing green vegetables because look it this way if your health sucks how can you it’s going to affect the quality of relationships you’re able to have with the opposite sex if you your health sucks it’s going to affect your performance at work and so these things are they’re all or interrelated if your relationships suck then it’s gonna affect how you feel at work and how you feel about yourself but the idea is why I teach guys to do is to work on every area of your life that’s important to you and the areas that you want to improve and by focusing on all of them in a balanced focused way over time as the months and the weeks and the years go by slowly your life changes and you start to spend more and more of the minutes of your day doing what you want to do when you want to do it and with who you want to do it but obviously in the beginning it’s not going to be that way there’s gonna be a lot of times you’re gonna feel like gods is never going to end I’m never going to get there it is a pain in the ass people are laughing at me they think I’m an idiot and that’s what you have to follow your own truth you have to follow what’s in your heart and you have to learn to you’re listen to your curiosity and your internal intuition so you can make you make sure you’re choosing something you’re passionate about because if you don’t choose something you’re passionate about you’ll never be very good at it but by choosing something that you’re passionate about to either work for in a career or to build a business and on this I when you meet a woman and you’re standing there in a grocery store line you just start talking and she says what do you do and you just start rambling on about it you’re so passionate about it she’s like god it’s so interesting you’re so passionate about it but you’re really good at it because that’s what confidence is confidence is simply doing something that you know how to do and doing it really well and so he says despite I’m working through social phobia despite my efforts anxiety can still show as I learn to control it first dates will be challenging is it ever okay just to admit I’m anxious to a girl you can say sharees you just say something say like god I’m really nervous around you and when I feel this way it just tells me that means I’m around somebody really special so if I act a little dorky or a little nervous just know you’re having to affect on me in a good way instead of coming you know that’s okay because you’re acknowledging what you’re feeling and you know if she likes you there’s a good chance that she may be feeling the same thing and she says yeah I’m kind of little nervous too and I’ll say you know what why don’t we just make out right now and that’ll just totally eliminate any fear or worry and show giggle and laugh and who knows if she really likes you and she looks at your lips when you do it when you’re looking at you look at her lips and into her eyes and it were lips again and then to her eyes he do that twice over the course of four or five seconds and if she looks at your lips at at he pointed it means that she’s ready to be kissed so just grab her and kiss her and just say that was awesome now we can just relax and enjoy the evening with no pressure we just have a good time you know take some balls to say and do things like that but it’s practiced but that’s where you can take it yes my goal is to push you so but here he says or can I tell her that I’m working through stuff and you’re bait to say hey I’m working through some issues you’re basically saying hey I’m really up but you know will you please love me anyways you don’t want to say it now it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re nervous but just like I said I said it in a way that put a positive spin on it and didn’t make didn’t make myself look like a douchebag or that I think I’m a steaming pile of dog dung and that’s basically what you communicate you know your own insecurities and your fear you can share those with your best buddies you know your real friends the friends that know all of your up video sync receives and know how weird you are because they’re probably socially awkward and in similar ways and they still love you regardless those kind of friends you share that stuff with me don’t share that somewhere women because it’s not going to do anything to make her like you more if it’s not gonna raise her level of interest in you one of my first coaches taught me then don’t tell her I feel ashamed of my anxiety especially around women but also men I feel unmasked Yulin because I get anxious I have trouble accepting the way I look both things screw me up in daily life when I take the wrong energy because with people because I lack confidence as a child I was scared of my dad bonded to my mom and encouraged it being overly nice nice guys never get laid they always found my mother did the same my dad was not really involved he just was busy working and it was like I her problem he let my mom just handle everything and she wanted to make us really really really nice boys so we would never go up and hurt women and stay we grew up and acted like a bunch of pussies basically so he says how can I control my own anxiety how can I accept the way they look and here’s the bottom line women are attracted to confidence and a guy if you want to be more confident than you need to do more things in your life that you really enjoy doing and then you become good at and the only way you become good at things is repetition repetition some other skill if you do something over and over again you become really good at it and that’s why you should pick a career or a job or if you’re going to school pick something a major and that you really have a passion for because your passion and your enthusiasm when a girl says woody we made you enter what do you know what for a living you’ll tell her and she’ll be excited and women like that they’re like wow this guy is alive he’s got you he’s going for his goals and his dreams I mean and if he’s fearless in his pursuit of his dreams I bet he’ll be fearless in his pursuit of me or my heart and penetrating me with his love if I can convince him to be mine that’s the kind of that goes through a woman’s mind she starts seeing herself in a love story and then she starts revealing you know by touching you and standing to call these things come out but you got it if you want to overcome your fear of interacting with other people you got to go to a mall and start practicing I did a video a few weeks back called improving your social skills so if you just Google improving your social skills or improving your social skills coach Cory Wayne it’ll come up and just watch that video I tell you how to go to a mall and practice talking with random people everywhere so you can overcome your fear because what you have is an irrational fear you think that people are unfriendly and a bunch of horseshit when you talk to enough people you realize that everybody’s willing to shoot their especially when they’re standing in line and they’re bored and they’re irritated they’re standing in line they can talk to somebody it’s interesting who’s asking them questions and their opinion on it’s it makes the time goes by and when you ask people questions or questions about themselves at their opinion everybody loves to give advice on everything especially women it’ll completely change his perspective and you’ll realize that Wow everywhere I go people who are friendly and you do it enough you’ll interact with enough women you’ll realize it they just want to be treated like everybody else they just want to be regular 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