What Do Extroverts Know That Shy People With Social Anxiety Likely Havent Learned?



I used to be shy and have social anxiety; now, I am free of them and am an ambivert, which is between introvert and extrovert. Things I have learned:

That if you say the wrong thing, it’s not the end of the world. In most cases, you can say something like ‘that didn’t come out right, what I meant to say was ….’

Rather than the usual shyness advice I want to make sure you learn from people who have really gone through it. Like struggled with social anxiety for decade and come out on the other side level of gone through it. If this is your first visit to Social Professor make sure you check out the shy to social page and grab the free audiobook ‘how to talk to anyone’ which is going to turn your life around.

That if you get embarrassed, it will blow over quickly, and most people will soon forget it, as long as you don’t mention it

That not everyone is paying that much attention to you, so just do your own thing and be confident about it and not so self-conscious

That people in stores are not out to embarrass you, so you shouldn’t worry so much about looking stupid in front of them; they are there to do their job, not to mock or criticize customers. The same applies to doctors offices, the DMV, and any other place you may go to or have to call.

That your friends, being friends will stick by you even if you occasionally make mistakes or do other stupid things, and if they don’t stick by you or they tease you and make you feel bad, then they really weren’t friends to begin with.

That the best way to respond when someone says something bad to you is to say ‘whatever’ and change the subject, denying the person the reaction they are seeking. Saying things like ‘stop it’, will only encourage them to do it more.

That you don’t have to be perfect nor do others expect you to be perfect as they are not perfect themselves, and they too make mistakes from time to time, as you do.

That even if everyone laughs at you, it’s not the end of the world, and by the next day, they will have forgotten it and laughed at someone or something else instead

That dumping friends and being all alone is better than having friends who constantly tease and bully you; I learned this one the hard way.

That if you don’t want to be shy and have social anxiety, you don’t have to; you can overcome them as I did; though it took years, it was worth it.

It is your life; do as you please, don’t change for anyone, be yourself, and if people don’t accept you, it is their problem, not yours. ‘If you don’t accept me when I am at my worst, then you certainly don’t deserve me when I am at my best’.

Believe in karma, fate, destiny, God, whatever and know that those who screwed you will eventually get what they deserve.

Don’t let others take advantage of you. ‘Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me’.

Even if you are alone, there are plenty of things you can do without others like reading, hobbies, volunteering, and many other things. Plus, animals don’t care if you are shy or socially anxious.

That life can change quite quickly, so just because things are bad now doesn’t mean they won’t be better in the future. At the same time, it is your life, so you should at least try to guide it and make it better.

This answer originally appeared on this Quora question on Shyness.

Difference Between Introverts And Extroverts – Introvert Vs Extrovert Comparison (Animated)

Write up:

Our lives are shaped as profoundly by personality as by gender or race. And the single most important aspect of personality is where we fall on the introvert extrovert spectrum. This influences our choice of friends and mates, how we make conversation, resolve differences, and show love. It affects the careers we choose and whether or not we succeed at them. There are a few theories about the differences between introverts and extroverts.

But the main one is where where we get our energy from. Introverts tend to recharge by spending time alone. They lose energy from being around people for long periods of time, particularly large crowds. Extroverts, on the other hand, gain energy from other people. They actually find their energy is sapped when they spend too much time alone. They recharge by being social. Of course we all fall at different points along the spectrum. We have some degree of both introversion and extroversion, but we tend to learn to one side more than the other.

Carl Jung, the psychologist who first popularized these terms, said that there’s no such thing as a pure introvert or a pure extrovert. He said that such a man would be in a lunatic asylum, if he existed at all. One third to half of people are introverts. If you’re not an introvert yourself, you are surely raising, managing, married to or friends with one. If these statistics surprise you, that’s probably because so many people pretend to be extroverts.

It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live in a value system called the Extrovert ideal the belief that the ideal self is a sociable, talkative and comfortable in the spotlight. Society has put upon us that introverted and quiet style of being is not the right way to go, but we’re supposed to be more outgoing and extroverted. Many introverts hide their introverted qualities to fit in. But we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Ideal so unthinkingly. Some of our greatest ideas, art and inventions came from quiet people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds. Without introverts, the world would be without: the theory of gravity, Google, Harry Potter, the theory of relativity and so on..

If you’re an introvert, you also know that the bias against quiet can cause a deep psychic pain. You might have heard your parents apologize for your shyness. Or at school you were told to “come out of your shell”, that noxious expression that failes to appraciate that some animals carry their shelter everywhere they go and some humans are the same. That’s why introverts often have a feeling that there is something wrong with them. But there is another word to describe people that spend so much time in their head: thinkers. So let’s see what are some common differences between the two personality traits. Introverts and extroverts differ in the level of outside stimulation that they need to function well.

Introverts prefer less stimulation, as when they sip wine with close friends, solve a crossword puzzle or read a book. Extroverts enjoy the extra bang that comes from activities like meeting new people, going to concerts, and playing sports. Many psychologists would agree that introverts and extroverts work differently, as well. Extroverts tend to tackle assignments quickly. They make fast decisions, and are comfortable multi tasking and taking risks.

They enjoy chasing rewards like money and status. Introverts often work more slowly and deliberately. They like to focus on one task at a time and can have mighty powers of concentration. They’re relatively immune to the lures of wealth and fame. Our personalities also shape our social styles. Extroverts are the people who will add life to your dinner party and laugh generously at your jokes. They tend to be assertive, dominant and in great need for company. Extroverts think out loud and on their feet.

They prefer talking to listening, rarely find themselves at loss for words and occasionally blurt our things they never meant to say. They’re comfortable with conflict, but not with solitude. Introverts in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas with a book in hand. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues and family.

They listen more than they talk, think before they speak and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict and many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions. Introverts are not shy. Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. The mental state of a shy extrovert sitting quietly in a business meeting may be very different from that of a calm introvert the shy person is afraid to speak up, while the introvert is simply overstimulated but to the outside world, the two appear to be the same. So where do you find yourself more? On the introverted side or the extroverted? Or do you possess both qualities equally? If so, you might be an ambivert, right in the middle of the spectrum, combining the best of both worlds. Tell me which are you in the comment below. So whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, it doesn’t matter.

Both have their own set of advantages. It’s up to you to take note of them and make the most out of them. Thanks for watching. If you enjoyed the video please hit the like button. And subscribe for more, so you can become better than yesterday…

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Comment (11)

  1. I watched the TED talk by Suan Cain about this topic and then went looking for animated videos to add support and clarification to her speech. Yours is the best one I found and I am thankful for your clarifications and supports of what she stated. Thank you.

  2. I don’t even like being around other people. The more people, the worse I feel. That’s why I work overnights, because it keeps me fairly solitary.

  3. I’m definitely an introvert, but I’m also a little shy in new situations. On occasion, if I’m feeling very comfortable in my environment, I won’t feel as drained (a party where I’ve been hanging out with a close friend, or more recently, a wedding where a handful of us were really having a lot of fun), but 9 times out of 10, being around anyone for a long time drains me to the point where I feel miserable. There are only a few people who I could be around for an indefinite amount of time without feeling like I need a break. Thanks for the interesting and informative video!

  4. my dad told me that if I wanted to have pizza, he said I had to call and talk to them. I go in to mental breakdown talking to random strangers on the phone. after hanging up, he yelled at me for taking too long.
    ._.

  5. my mum always complains that I don’t talk that much around other people, but the thing is, she’s an introvert but because we live in an extroverted world she thinks all introverts should just go along with it. My dad’s the opposite, he’s an extrovert but he is completely fine with who I am.

  6. But on the other hand, my introverted father would very often shame me for being an extrovert. By shaming I mean, when I’d show signs of my true personality, he’d accuse me of acting too much like my mother, who is also an extrovert, and to the point where I lived 25 years of my life pretending to be an introvert

  7. Introvert I’m almost always alone in my room and I enjoy it at school I’ve been hanging out with people a lot less and I only have 2-4 friends

  8. total ambivert! I feel energetic when I’m around others, but I need my alone time which I love. a lot of people like me and are my friends which is awesome

  9. I find your video clear and easy to be understood. I have a friend who thinks that shyness equals to introvert and he thinks introvert is a bad thing. So this video is clear enough to say introvert ain’t that bad. Thanks!

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