What Causes Shyness (And What You Can Do About It Today)
I talk a lot about shyness and dealing with it in a real way with actionable information and one of the bits of information you really need to know is what causes shyness? (And then how to kick its ass).
Understanding the root of the problem is going to give you a much better chance of recognizing and dealing with it when it really happens. And while it’s going to vary (at least to some degree) for everyone the same underlying reasons still exist.
Before we get too bogged down into looking at the causes I want to remind you briefly that no matter the cause – the answer is the same. If you’re dealing with shyness then do something about it.
I’ve been writing and coaching on shyness and social anxiety for years now. I’ve seen a lot of different solutions being offered and not only is this the absolute best (I’ve literally seen it change lives) – but it’s entirely free.
It takes a simple premise ‘how to talk to anyone’ and shows you how to do it. Once you can talk to people it gets a lot easier to get social exposure and that’s the real key to dealing with social anxiety. Cut the root of the problem away and the rest just evaporates.
The best part is Amazon gives you the ‘how to talk to anyone’ audiobook free when you sign up to a trial with Audible. Even if you cancel, you keep the whole book for free. So not only is it honestly the best answer I can give you – it doesn’t cost you anything. You can download it for yourself here and tell me in the contact page tomorrow how fired up you are to try it out.
Part of the cause for shyness is nothing but simple biology. Shyness isn’t just a human trait it’s been noted as a survival instinct in some animals as well. Some are more reluctant and hold back waiting to see what the rest do.
Studies suggest that some people just naturally do have a predilection towards being shy – although I continually say the same thing. There is no such thing as a shy person (just people shy in certain situations) and this doesn’t change anything. Just because you’re more likely to be shy doesn’t mean you have to suffer.
It isn’t just internal factors. Sometimes it can come from a long-term of being told to be quiet or being somehow told that being loud and outgoing is a negative thing. It can also be a single event or trauma as discussed in this answer.
I believe trauma of all kinds, especially being abused/neglected as a child, can cause shyness (or outright ‘withdrawn’). It also may just be a personality trait, but in my case, I believe it was definitely due to being abused the majority of my early life. It’s taken a lot to come out of my shell, and I’m still good at hiding a bit, depending on the situation.
On a side note, someone told me one day — it helped very much — was: “you’re not the only person in the world — you’re not that important, most people don’t care about you or what you do, they’re likely not even looking at you or in your direction – they primarily worry about themselves, just like you do”…does that make good sense to anyone else? I’m not a conceited person whatsoever, but we all get so wrapped up in ‘me, I, my’ way of being, we don’t realize 99.9999999% of the world doesn’t know who we are, much less of what we are doing, saying or how we look. And they simply don’t care.
We need to worry more about our own selves — I do believe there would be much less [micro & macro] conflict & trauma. We don’t need to worry about what others think of us, it’s really none of our business.