The Fear Of Never Being Able To Overcome Social Anxiety
The Fear Of Never Being Able To Overcome Social Anxiety
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Johnny Berba explains how to overcome social anxiety.
hey fellas hayden i thought i’d make a video on the most relevant sticking point that i see at the moment this has been over the course of the last few months the questions you guys have been writing to me and when i run my social circle group in London and I meet people in person people are in many ways as saying this question what’s up when I’ve been teaching men on my six weeks program they out rightly ask me this question and there’s a big fear around can I get rid of social anxiety will I ever be able to overcome it and I remember for years when I was going through that and it’s it’s not that long ago I was going through this is about two and a half years ago and I was asking myself the same question I was it was I was getting a lot of voices and this is what happens with social anxiety I’ve spoken about this in my last video about demonic divided voices the voices were blackmailing me and frightening me by saying to me I was getting voice is saying that you’re never going to be able to overcome this even to the point where it’s say you may get a little bit bare but you’re always going to be this person who’s got social anxiety was paranoid who thinks people are judging him is going to be afraid all the time and this is what a lot of people are saying to me I get emails every week I get a lot of emails as well from America we appreciate the support from the US a lot of guys from America right to me and say usually men around 27 in the 30s similar age to me will say I’ve been battling with social anxiety all my life Johnny and I’ve just given up on it there’s there’s nothing I can do and I’ve tried different outlets medication or I’ve watched our videos and and there’s nothing that’s helped I want to challenge you on that and I want to reassure you and say that’s not true that you can overcome social anxiety because I’ve done it not only have I done it one man I’ve taught and mentored hundreds of people and help them to overcome their social anxiety so what have you got to do you know what you’ve got to do you probably don’t want to hear this you have to face people you have to isshoni way and that’s the interesting thing I find about fear this is in parallel to other questions I get from students people that write to me people that I meet people are afraid we’re all afraid I’m afraid as well I just hide it better and I’m just I’m more confident and managing my fear that’s really what I wanted to tell this video so look fear is a part of the human condition we can’t escape it in a sense social anxiety is normal we all have anxieties around meeting new people what’s this person going to think about me when I meet Johnny what’s he going to think about me is going to see me as you can see the good of me is he going to see the bad Emil was she going to think about me so we’ve all got fear we’ve all got social anxiety to a certain extent however you can get what I call confident with fear that’s how I overcome my social anxiety and I face my fears all the time I hate fear but I love fear it’s that balance does that make sense so I’m gonna excite you but you’re not going to overcome social anxiety which is attached to every anxiety in your life which would be performance anxiety what I’m doing now public speaking on a video blog or public talking in front of people changing jobs I speak to a lot of people men and women who say I don’t know what to do I’m just finished University or I’m in a job that I don’t enjoy and I’m in an office environment and I know you felt been in this position predicament sorry and I don’t enjoy it I don’t see myself stainless it’s my heart’s not in it and the environment is scary because you can’t be yourself and i know i’ve had that myself in the work environment and sometimes in the work environment you can’t be yourself because if you be yourself you beat you use your job because which self are we talking about are we talking about the self that is passionate that is confident that is honest and congruent they’re not going to employ someone like that unless it necessary that you really enjoy and they want saw like that for the most of jobs that we do that we don’t enjoy the environment doesn’t allow for that freedom of expression that’s why you’re in that job if you was to express yourself you wouldn’t be in that job does that make sense that’s why I’m doing the job I do so I’ve gone through all of the fears that you guys and girls have gone through that’s why I’m so qualified to talk about it and I’m passionate so you have to get uncomfortable we have to get comfortable comfortable confident comfortable in the feeling so we can’t overcome social anxiety by not socializing and and being at home it doesn’t work like that now i’m going to contradict myself if you’re a very spiritual person and you’re good at connecting and getting your consciousness to a very high level you probably can but most people are going was like it not be able to do that you’re not going to at this moment in time and I’m saying you’re not again I’m going to contradict myself Who am I to say what anyone’s capable of I was told I was not capable of nothing I just proved it so to some extent you are but you’re not and that’s where you’re choosing to be efflux choice most things is choice even though our mind creates the illusion that we don’t have choices what fear does fear is good fear created me whole channel fear took away my social anxiety so fear works both ways it can help us or it can destroy us fear can create amazing beautiful relationships or fear can destroy relationships we’ve all done both I have so the first step is except the anxiety you had it for years what difference does it make but use it do something with it every time I go and socialize and you go and socialize I confirm that I’m not mad there’s nothing wrong with me I’m just as good as anyone else because we sit and meet people are they just like me they got the same worries and fears but I also like to say another sticking point I see will the law students and people and I had this myself dwelling too much on the negatives if you keep focusing on I’m anxious I’m shyam embarrassed on maury night I understand you’re not going to enjoy your life so I learnt to I learned to find happiness I like to find happiness within my fears and anxieties and that’s what I always do and everything’s periodic so when I say to people I’m scared so I’m scared like you I’m not scared all the time most times i’m not scared i’m not scared now but in this periods when I’m scared I did a public talk yesterday I was scared I was nervous about going to so I’ve done hundreds of public talks I’m confident I’m going there to teach why should I be scared I’m a human being the biology social conditioning when I go and do the talk for the first minute I’m a bit nervous after a minute very confident you wouldn’t even be able to tell because I’ve practiced putting myself in those situations but years ago I would have not even listen impossible for me to do it so this is your mind like us in the last video this is bringing away and it’s bringing consciousness to those negative force that rise up that say are you can’t go and social if you go and socialize people it’s going to be dangerous because this is what happens when we get fear at home which will depressed we’re stressed because of a social anxiety and we don’t want to leave the house part of us wants to leave the house but it’s about a thousand voices and the voices beat you down like missiles Bam Bam Bam one comes up there’s no point going now it’s going to be a boring date oh I never voice comes up and says well what were you gonna do there’s no point you’re not gonna enjoy socializing going to be nervous you keep listening to that voice you’ll never come out and overcome it so I’m pressing isn’t it this is depressing what I’m doing it’s the pressing you it’s depressing me so this this is what I do I got stage right I couldn’t take it no more I got so depressing I’ve always done that and I get it’s just how i am i’m sure this would be the same for you hopefully i can inspire you to use this same psychological process I’ve always use it’s got me massive success in my life a lot of self love when I said I can’t take this no more I can’t stand it and I’ll go and do something and then when you go and do something you always feel better after people always say they come to my event I was a bit nervous about coming down I was apprehensive and now I’ve come up for so much better I feel so good that’s how we build self esteem and confidence and social confidence we can’t build social confidence outside of socializing I mean to some extent we can but we can’t fully especially at the earliest stages of social anxiety when you’re very sensitive you need a gradual reference points that’s why I teach over six weeks so I can gradually move people towards facing their fears and building their confidence because obviously if you try and do everything you can burn out but at the same time you can’t kid yourself that you’re working on your fears and you’re not so so we really have to get this sub personality out the way the sub personality that is a victimization we’ve all got outside source I have that but we get better at not feeding it neglecting it so the victimization will say it’s difficult I’m the only ones that’s going through this no one’s got social anxiety worse than me no one could possibly be more nervous than me no one could fill more judge than me I can’t make eye contact it’s just too painful to sit with people they’re going to see I’m nervous they’re going to judge me I’m going to get rejected I might lose my temper I might feel jealousy I might feel anger I might feel distrust all this victimization that’s not your true self I wasn’t my true self it’s not the self you’re speaking to now that was the frightened self but in the midst of all this contradiction I was going to say apocrypha that doesn’t make sense but it’s a lot of contradiction in what I’m saying there’s a lot of contradiction with social anxiety in truth but the truth is you can overcome it that’s the cop out if you keep saying that you won’t overcome it that’s victimization and I think for people that don’t have never had social anxiety they don’t understand what it’s like they don’t believe that you’re as frightened as you say you are and Phil so when I had social anxiety and I was telling my girlfriend’s that I am can we not go out to me because it’s gonna be stressful they’re like why why why are you being so boring the gangam I say I say look you don’t understand I’ve got social anxiety with it today I’m stressed it’s not good and they’ll have an argument like this and then rinse relationship but looking back I understand because they didn’t have social anxiety don’t know what it’s like to have those you just have an outburst where you get days where you can’t cope and you want to stay at home and feel safe so that’s kind of like what your authentic selves going for your authentic self doesn’t believe this this thing the comment don’t me you’re frightened of people don’t me that you can’t change your job just go and change your job going face people it’s easy and it really is easy but the separate personalities make it real because it’s an illusion and that’s when the addictions come in not just addictions to pornography addictions to jealousy negative thinking victimization junk food bad relationships mean you know meaningless sex in cheating all these kind of areas where we cheat yourself the addiction is in not facing anxiety so a lot of people are addicted to not facing their social anxiety this you’re not going to believe this i didn’t bliss when I figured out part of use afraid to get rid of your social anxiety cuz why is that because you’re frightened to change your frightens become your best self because your best self will not put up with any of this it will not have any of this about being a people pleaser being frightened and it will quit addictions how exciting how powerful is that what a different train of thought that is that is how we destroy these demonic force that’s what i did i said well hang in a minute i’m gonna challenge these forts I’m not good enough am I I can’t be loved I can’t get a girlfriend I can’t make money I can’t go out into the world I can’t express myself I’m gonna find out I’m gonna challenge every single one of you demons then they start themselves these demons that they start panicking and they start trying to think of other tricks to get you maybe they’ll bring up a story from the pastor say remember you did this I say I remember I did that I’m proud of it oh they keep trying to get you there like a pack of demons inside of you they’re like a pack of bullies but these these demons have got no no chance with a light of consciousness self love but we can’t let the demons win we can’t we have to get out the flat that’s why I always come out I love being out in the park we have to get out and guess what when we get around people it’s not as bad as we think or as bad as we feel rather we have to suffer for a while but the good suffering is facing people the bad suffering is avoidance when we avoid people we feel terrible we get depression and it’s a vicious cycle and then we might get a day of relief with nice going it comes back you have to be on this have to keep facing it every time you face it you grow courage your gross of steam you feel better but member s in the last videos and the contradiction again of truth you can’t expect just to go out and to talk to a couple of people on the street maybe if you’re a guy watching this do a few approaches talk to women which is good as a good step to say hello and and get used to st. loads of people but then in the background you’re watching pornography you’re talking bad about people you’re cheating in relationships you’re lying because it’s going to be a contradiction and it won’t work is powerful so we need virtue virtue is what destroys these demons it builds it builds confidence very fast and this is why I teach on my six weeks program this is why people get confident very fast in six weeks because they start refrain from addictions every addiction we have rapes our self esteem stills rapes and takes away our confidence as soon as we give up an addiction you’ll hand it back your power your confidence it it’s that simple I’ve got a sneaky feeling that you already notice intuitively I just have to say it then we start dissolving the mosque none of the previous videos I did I said that you suffer social things like because you wear a mask and you are wearing a mask and you must get a whole reality around trying to protect yourself not basically you can’t protect yourself have to embrace vintage know what I don’t know who does this stuff is universe done if it’s gotta them it is part of our higher self the more we face fear the less fear we have in our life so the more we faced with and then we get used to it and I think I did an interview with my friend dating coach Joseph and I said Joseph I said Eva we face fear so much we get so used to it we have the illusion that we’re not afraid anymore or we are afraid of time we just get better and managing it and in the midst of getting better at managing it we’re enjoying our life so when you see someone you say how come she’s got it good how comes he’s successful how come she’s successful and I’m not it’s because they have faced their fear somewhere down line you cannot escape it inescapable inescapable and we face fears in different levels we faced fears entirely and externally and really they’re both so the internal fears are looking at our subpersonalities looking at the jealous side of us looking at their the personality that’s cheating all the time and doesn’t want to admit you’re shooting on his girlfriend’s friends and we have to have that that sphere we have to face then stop doing that another fear is the practical fears in the world which are teaching my 30 day anxiety program where we go out and we confront it head on we do it on a practical level we have to be practical practical spiritual psychological all of it it’s all exciting it’s all fine I promise you nothing to worry about but you’re going to worry anyway but nothing to worry about and this is you can hear it in this video and through what i teach 16 weeks program this is how we build self level we reveal we access it’s all the same just different language it’s all proceed oh I’m perceive oh my teachings Percy boat but it’s a placebo that works so either you’ll have placebo where you listen to these voices these demonic voices whispering away saying this saying that saying this about you when you disprove them they work in your favor so all the bullies at school they help me that’s why I’m here that’s why I’m here because I was able to forgive them and grow an immense amount of courage and character because I what because of what I went through not despite what I own through and now where are they I can’t see them is why now I’m just joking but you see my point so we can’t you can’t kid yourself and expect to grow and become successful get a girlfriend be more financially well off change jobs become more socially confident and not lift a finger and not experience discomfort for you if you knew the amount of suffering that I had to go through to get to where I am today emotional suffering psychological physical every bit of it was was suffering and more suffering and more suffering I continue to enjoy more suffering because I want to grow more but a hell of a lot of love so myself love it didn’t come in the Karma Sutra book it didn’t come like that the spiritual stuff came later but maybe I could have done it first but this is my journey this is my truth and I help people to get there this is you don’t understand what you’re missing out on you don’t understand you can overcome it don’t say that don’t say I can’t that’s the losers mentality you can overcome it because i did it i mean if i can do it you can do it I’m a human being I breathe the same air and I’ve taught loads of people to do it so the choice is yours you it’s your choice you can’t blame him hire me then it’s your choice it’s a choice do you want to overcome your social anxiety become socially confident and enjoy your life and overcome your life anxiety or do you want or not you want to stay at home listen to these voices your choice are you prepared to suffer in order to grow and enjoy your life these are the questions ask myself questions are great because when we asked questions it’s always the start of something big so we start off by saying am I happy in my relationships do I need to change my relationships I’m a happy relationship myself great question is how and then we say I’m yes I’m happy great we’re happy no I’m not let me take action I’m a happy in my job do I enjoy my job if the answer’s no then we move towards changing it am I facing my fears in my life am i living honestly am I have do I have integrity if the answer’s no I don’t have integrity I’m being on lying on being dishonest change it everyone can change I so I’m exciting they all this is too late I’m till it’s not true it’s loose don’t talk like that it’s not true I keep saying it and some people doubt that of course I was afraid of course I went through what everyone else did I’ve went through all of it that’s why my work so rich that’s why it’s so honest that’s why it’s so on points I’ve been through it and I’ve came out the other side i’m here to pass the message and say you can overcome social anxiety ways i teach i keep saying on my six weeks program the first is honest living no pornography no cheating no lying no stealing and doing the best you can to be the same person with everyone and that’s the great practice so is the flyer the other part of the teaching is this flight story is be practical so my old teaching was very much about getting people to go out and be practical I still very beneficial I just changed the integrity bit where you go out you meet people we don’t cheat people if you’re a relationship with someone you stay true to that person or don’t get into a relationship so you can overcome social anxiety I want to leave you with that message a bit of inspiration I’ve got a feeling this might push a few people to the edge in a good way to go out and to take action and to change it and you’ll be so relief you did it you will be believe me if you won’t be thanking me you’ll be thanking God you’ll be thanking your higher self because that’s the life that I wanted to run around and and do I was going to say do star jumps just celebrate because it was in a lot of pain until I overcome it so like and subscribe enjoy the process please i’ll appreciate you sharing my videos of any of your friends if they’ve got anxiety or fears in their life not just social anxiety that’s what a lot of my teaching is about now it’s mentoring life coaching and helping people to overcome fears in their life with the process of being honest living and practical application and if you want to get in touch and take my program or get help from me go to my website www com all my information is there I love you guys thanks for the support and I’ll see you soon good luck..
Rather than the usual shyness advice I want to make sure you learn from people who have really gone through it. Like struggled with social anxiety for decade and come out on the other side level of gone through it. If this is your first visit to Social Professor make sure you check out the shy to social page and grab the free audiobook ‘how to talk to anyone’ which is going to turn your life around.