Social Anxiety Inside Out: Live Hangout #14 (Special Guest Dicken Bettinger)

Social Anxiety Inside Out: Live Hangout #14 (Special Guest Dicken Bettinger)

Social Anxiety Inside Out: Live Hangout #14 with Dicken Bettinger.

Did you know that there are simple, yet profound, Principles that reveal the connection between the spiritual and the psychological nature of all human beings? As you realize these Principles for yourself you can truly begin to experience a sense of sacredness in the ordinary moments of your life.

Rather than the usual shyness advice I want to make sure you learn from people who have really gone through it. Like struggled with social anxiety for decade and come out on the other side level of gone through it. If this is your first visit to Social Professor make sure you check out the shy to social page and grab the free audiobook ‘how to talk to anyone’ which is going to turn your life around.

You will learn that these Principles are the sole source of all of your feelings and experiences, and that understanding these simple Principles is the key to raising your overall level of well-being. When your level of well-being rises, you experience less anxiety, less time feeling down, less stress, more enjoyment, a greater sense of aliveness, a light-heartedness, more confidence in your decisions, and a greater ease in all of your relationships.

Dicken Bettinger, Ed.D., received his undergraduate degree from St. Lawrence University and began his career teaching high school students. Many students came to Dicken with problems that they were experiencing. This began his search for something to teach people that would increase their well-being.

He received his Master’s degree from Pennsylvania State University and his Doctoral degree in counseling psychology from Boston University. He became licensed as a clinical psychologist in 1983 and retired his psychotherapy practice after working as a psychologist for 31 years. Twenty-eight years ago he met Sydney Banks who had an enlightenment experience where he realized the Three Principles that underlie all human experience. Dicken had finally found universal principles that he could teach anyone. He was grateful to find something that was simple in nature yet had the profound effect of raising the quality of a person’s life.

He feels fortunate that for 23 years he was able to learn directly from Sydney Banks. In 2008 Dicken received a Certificate of Competency from Mr. Banks authorizing him to teach the Three Principles.

Dicken enjoys public service work and has worked with refugees from South and Central America. He was an integral part of the Tibetan Resettlement Project in Vermont. Dicken has been married for 44 years and loves teaching people about what it takes to create healthy, thriving relationships. He has two adult children and plans his day around when he can be with his two grandchildren. He loves hiking, photography, canoeing, traveling around the world, and his golden retriever.

Testimony from a Distance Learning Skype client of Dicken’s:

“You have guided me to a place of insight, from our very first session I have had many deeply felt realizations which have made my life so much simpler. My wife tells me that I am so much more laid back and easy to be with and she has not seen the tight jawed sign of stress in me at all. From the first moment we came into contact I felt heard and that you were dealing with me from a place of love and acceptance. This has resulted in a great increase in my confidence not only in myself but in life in general. The fee you charge for your services does not any where near reflect the benefit I have personally received from them.”

Video text:

welcome guys to session 14 of social anxiety inside out I’m feeling quite relaxed today which makes a change actually this is such a nice feeling to where to be here and yeah welcome guys I just wanted to say a bit about what this online session involves you know this is different to anything else you’ve probably come across all we need to do is sit back and relax and you know just take take the session in there’s no techniques here or or anything you have to remember don’t eat enough to take notes just you know just sit back and relax and and you know absorb what we’re saying then try and grasp what what’s going on and we are engraves the session 14 of social anxiety so that out what was that I am feeling sorry about them seemed to play play the video of myself and it echoes on it and where was I and yeah so just sit back and relax and and yeah just see what comes up for you it’s all about you and if you have any questions we need to do is put your details in the form below so there’s a contact form and you can send your questions to dick and Tony or my myself and we will answer those live and we won’t mention any names it’s just you know be confidential so yeah so like the patio Tony hello Tony how you doing yeah I’m really wealthy thank you and hi everyone session 14 my goodness I and I just wanted to acknowledge Steve as well the wonderful day we had yesterday with the second relax if that we did in London and from the people who who we were with yesterday they were watching hi to you especially tonight and wow what a day what a beautiful day it was seeing those faces coming in and when people just left transform the big smiling faces and people just looking clear oh especially just their faces yeah loved it loved it so and thank you to those guys for coming along it was such a pleasure to be there yesterday so tonight we have and every week I say I’m really excited about whoever we’ve gone but this week I’m especially excited because we have got dr. it can Bettinger with us and everybody I’ve been talking to about this just say they loved it and then and there’s a reason for that and you’ll get a feel for that over over the next there is such a lovely lovely guy and a little bit about thicken and thicken was one of the senior consultants at pranskey and associates and prancin associates for those that don’t know it’s is the Emmet the psychology practice in in the United States which really has done some pioneering groundbreaking work with the three principals over the last few decades and dicken has left there now his licensed psychologists and now he runs three principals mentoring and he lives in the Conner Washington State and with his lovely wife cozy and their lovely lovely dog Baker and here he comes so dick and welcome to Nicole hey thanks a lot Tony and Steve it’s it’s I I appreciate your asking me to hang out with you and Google hangout here I really just get so tickled thinking about anybody who’s listening in I remember when I when I was learning the principles and even to this day I love hearing people talk about what they have learned that has helped them have easier time in life so it just tickles me to think of all the people who are listening in today so thank you for joining us yeah that’s that’s great chicken and yeah absolutely and guys questions comments as usual we’ve already got a few comments coming in to thicken tonight but keep them flowing in so anything that’s on your minds relating to or anything to do with the three principal which which really covering anything that yeah you face in life but you know particularly those those questions around social anxiety you name anxiousness and and they can may be to kick health with because I know you’ve done some incredible work with your clients over the years and and we have got people that are on the call and you know such as myself as well at times get caught up in the whole kind of anxiety came to getting now I’m who I’m creating it and I just wonder if if you can kind of begin perhaps just just to talk a little bit about the principles in relation to anxiety what you see no we use yeah I won’t have to even go so far at this point is talking about the clients that I’ve worked with the reason that I got into psychology was that when you live with a lot of anxiety as I did there’s a lot of time in life that’s not very enjoyable and I was very good at thinking about things in such a way that it made me anxious they got really good at that and I got so good at it that I didn’t even realize that I was worrying I just thought I was what one time a friend of mine said they can I don’t think the problem is what you’re talking to me about I think the problem is that you’re worrying yourself sick and I was so accustomed to feeling the way I did that I didn’t even recognize it as anxiety or worry and I actually even felt a little offended that he was saying that I was worrying myself sick and and I told him so because he was a friend of mine and he said well what do you think it is when you think about things in a way that makes you really anxious and I thought I was pretty shocked too all of a sudden realize that not only did I worry but I was so good at it that it was pretty chronic the only time I didn’t worry when I was growing up was when I was doing sports it’s not interesting while I was doing sports I got to experience what is like to not live with anxiety but as soon as I stepped off the court or the field I’d be right back in my head and worrying up a storm and it was extremely difficult for me all through school and all through high school to talk with girls I would get so anxious I can remember it took all my nerve to ask a girl out to the junior prom and we got to the prom and for the first five minutes I did pretty good and then I couldn’t think of anything else to say I had already talked a little bit about the decorations and I had stur how she was doing and she asked me how things were going for me and I said a few things and then both of us just got really anxious and that was the end of the conversation for the rest of the problem and I was so anxious that it see I was watching the clock and it seemed like it was going backwards it was I I couldn’t wait until I dropped her off even though I had this incredible crush on this girl and so it was I think the reason a lot of people become psychologists is not only do they want to be of service to other people which is I think true of most people in the field of psychology but also most people want to discover how to live life with greater ease and that’s certainly why I became more and more interested in the field of psychology and I had been practicing as a psychologist for 10 years and still having an enormous amount of anxiety although I had I had learned an awful lot of techniques that I would use that if I used them long enough I would have moments of real relief from anxiety and it was almost like I was on the sports field I would get into a quiet relaxed state and it took an awful lot of work and effort I was meditating for hours a day I was continually working on myself I had read all the self help books and was trying hard to follow the techniques that people had given me and and then after I had been practicing for 10 years I was in a bookstore and and I was constantly searching for the answer in one of the books in either the psychology or there were section of the bookstore and I came across the book and halfway through the book I realized that everything that I had been studying in the field of psychology was pointing people in the wrong direction and that it was either pointing people toward something that had already happened in their past to talk about something that we had been difficult or painful so I was innocently asking people to keep thinking about something that was painful would make them anxious or upset or fearful or sad or angry or hurt and of course the more people thought about those things the more upset they would get which we thought was necessary to help people get past it in through it or I was pointing people towards some kind of technique for them to work on and so the people would have to develop a real practice of constantly working on something to try and feel better and I read this book Emma and I had a real strong inclination that perhaps what I was where I was pointing people was not really the best direction to point people in and I couldn’t explain it and I didn’t understand that but I it was both a little bit freeing and a little bit unsettling at the same time so I found out who these people were and I went traveled down to Florida and did a five day training program for professionals and it was the first time I was introduced to people talking about the role that thought plays in creating personal reality moment to moment and then the people in the training told me that they had learned this from a man named Sydney Banks who was someone with a 9th grade education and was a welder and I said really I mean that’s who you’ve discovered is is best at teaching you what you know about this and they said yeah it’s it’s it’s pretty amazing you listen to him talk and you don’t know what he says and at some point you start to feel better and he said sounds a little hokey pokey to me but I was very curious and I was also quite desperate because I I just did not like living in the feelings that I spent a great deal of time in and I went to hear Sidney banks talk and I heard something something clicked that he was saying there is nothing at all in the outside world that can make you anxious and if you’re anxious it isn’t become you have some kind of genetic flaw and it’s not hereditary that anxiety is a feeling like any other feeling and feelings are always an only created by a power in the universe that is that Sid called the power of thought or the principle of thought and that the power and principle of thought creates every moment of human experience and so the power of thought being an invisible power but essential to being a human being if we weren’t connected to that power we wouldn’t be able to have even a single moment of experience we wouldn’t be alive we couldn’t exist and you said this power is always operating and it’s always generating your experience perfectly and it’s just you that misunderstand it and think that experience has something to do with with something other than the power of thought and if it has to do is something other than the power of thought like a situation I’m in is making me anxious or a person as making me anxious or my biochemistry is making me anxious or my genetics are making me anxious those are all things outside of myself that are out of my control and it leaves me basically being victimized at the mercy of things in the world and I realized that whatever I think is causing me to feel anxious I spend an awful lot of time thinking about and that if I think about those things the experience that comes out of that is just more anxiety so here’s this fundamental human misunderstanding where we attribute experience to something other than this incredible beautiful power of thought that generates love and happiness and joy and sadness and fear and anxiety and like any other feeling as long as it’s being generated by thought you experience it and the instant that it’s not being generated by thought you don’t experience it so when I wasn’t having anxious thoughts when I was playing sports I didn’t experience anxiety and it wasn’t inside me repressed somewhere waiting to come out it wasn’t being created to begin to see that any feeling an anxiety is no different than any other feeling that any feeling comes and goes from the creation of thought intrigued me to say the least and it started to help me because it it didn’t seem so frightening to me that my condition was a temporary thought creation and that wasn’t something caused by some flaw in me or there that it was because I had some I was born with some incredible sensitivity to life and that life itself was making me anxious to think of any feeling as being a temporary construct that comes and goes puts it more in the category of a dream and you can have a bad dream but the good news is when you wake up from the bad dream you go I’ll thank God it was just a dream and when that thinking goes away that was creating the nightmare that you were in you start to feel some you feel different and it’s not so frightening and I started having experiences when I would realized that I was worrying up a storm and I would it would throw me back into the present moment my thinking would begin to settle down a little bit and I would feel less anxious and if my head cleared completely I would feel completely free of anxiety for moments and I started noticing how my anxiety would come and go with thought as opposed to I was a victim of life or a victim of circumstance or a victim of what someone was saying my anxiety was not with girls my anxiety was thought that I had about girls I was very interesting when I met my wife it seemed like maybe she was a different species because for some reason I was very comfortable around her it was a little though she was the first female that I could be with other than my mother and sister perhaps that I didn’t get anxious run well let me just say one more thing and then then we can open it up I’d love to hear from Toni and Steve or from any anybody who’s listening so I learned about the power of thought and that began to help me realize that even when I could not stop feeling anxious I knew that at some point it would stop because it was a temporary thought created experience so even if I continue to feel anxious all day long I knew at some point my head would clear and that when it would clear I would I wouldn’t be creating or experience anxiety and I could see the truth of that and I could see often I could feel very anxious one of my good friends would come up I would stop thinking about what I had been thinking about and focus on my friend and pretty soon I wouldn’t feel anxious and we’d be joking around and feeling great and temporarily I would be relieved of my anxiety then I heard Sidney banks say every one of you at core has perfect mental health and you already have it and you’ve always had it and you always will have it and it’s always there and it only temporarily gets covered over by your thinking in the same way that the Sun is always there it never is not shining and it only temporarily gets covered over by the clouds and there was something about this I had not heard any other person say you always always have perfect mental health that core whether you know it or not whether you believe in it or not whether you’ve discovered the truth of that or not Sid banks with great confidence that I’m here to tell you I’ve discovered the truth that that is the case and I got chills through my whole body and it started resonating on some level that was beyond my intellect and it intrigued me this notion that the Sun inside of me has never been damaged or hurt by anything that’s happened in my life it has never been damaged or heard by any experience I’ve ever had including years and years of very strong anxiety and that I started noticing more and more those little moments here and there when I would just be what I would call more like a newborn infant just present to live fully awake but not thinking about things they’re not in my conceptual mind just resting in the present moment just I would pause a rest or be in the moment and that when I would rest in the present moment it didn’t matter what I was thinking or feeling because I wasn’t particularly paying attention to it I was just present to whatever was occurring in life in that moment in this moment and I started noticing that whenever I rest in the present moment anything I’m thinking or feeling tends to quiet down and open up and that when it quiets down and opens up inevitably inevitably I start to feel better and I’m not doing any technique and I’m not trying to feel better and I don’t care if I feel good or feel bad I’m not thinking about it I’m not trying to do something to make that happen I’m just like sometimes people talk about as state we are just resting in the present moment as just being in your true self rather than your thinking self your ideas that come and go your concepts your memories your perceptions your just resting in the moment as it is in your true selves at core just simply being and at times you’ll notice then that your thinking tends to settle out on its own and you begin to feel better it’s like when the clouds do part no matter how long the storm has been there the Sun is always there waiting to shine through and you feel better and the quality of your thinking improves as a spiritual teaching feeling better built into life some people talk about that capacity to feel better that’s built into all human beings as universal love and the capacity to have a higher quality of thought or new ideas or new thoughts or insights in spiritual teaching they’ll talk about that is that capacity as a formless intelligence built into life itself and that is often called wisdom and to have the notion that rather that I’m an anxious flawed person I’m someone who no matter how anxious I am at core have perfect well being filled already to the brim with love and wisdom was a extremely new notion for me and a new realization and it did a lot it did I think it does a lot for anybody it does a lot for any of my clients who get even the littlest glimpse of glimpse of the truth of that just a little glimpse of the truth of that and that helps you and it creates healing and it allows you to begin to relate to your own experience in a different way so that your own experience doesn’t concern you as much or frighten you as much or mean as much so that you this is gonna sound paradoxical but I didn’t when I started having these realizations it wasn’t the end of my anxiety it was the beginning of my being comfortable more comfortable than I had ever been at those times when I was feeling anxious and less trying desperately to get rid of it and more just resting in the midst of it as you might rest in the eye of a hurricane and then it would pass and then I would notice that the Sun would come out and that was a beautiful beautiful notion that it’s always there waiting to shine through I could sure see that in every anxious client within minutes of talking with them I’d see the sun shining through and they wouldn’t realize that that was their innate well being coming through and I would point it out to them and they would go oh oh oh because we haven’t tend our psychology has taken a while to catch up with discovery and it’s a very different psychology that’s emerging and a very hopeful one for people well thank you so much that was fantastic what you’re saying and I guess for me I’ve had moments of clarity like you explained and well being coming through and I guess would you say from your experience being that the more that happens the more you kind of get used to it because you know it’s happened in the past but I just dismiss it and then or I don’t think in the last long or you know that do you find that you fall back into that clarity and not well being more often would you say the more you recognize what’s true the more you begin to recognize it and the more true it seems if it is true that human nature is a lot like nature and that in nature you have the weather but the weather no matter how bad can affect the Sun it’s very comforting to know that when you have an anxious thought storm that the Sun is still always there even in the midst of the worst of your anxious thoughts storm and that realization of that knowing did a lot for me like I said I still had anxiety what what you said Steve about well do you have a little less than you did before yeah I do do I still get anxious oh absolutely does it frighten me as much as it used to no does it mean as much no I don’t think it means anything it’s just like weather is weather then it comes and goes and the less I cared about what weather I was having the paradox is the more easily it flowed and the quicker my anxiety would subside and the more I started recognizing and celebrating the warmth and nourishment of my well being and this is something that I learned from Sydney banks rather than being dissatisfied with what you don’t have if you become grateful for what little you do have you’ll get more and more so in the past when I was living in the grips of anxiety I was constantly bemoaning the fact and wishing I were different in wishing I could feel different and being very dissatisfied and becoming more and more dissatisfied with myself and my life and my ability to relate to people and along comes Sydney banks and he says if you have one moment of sunlight and you’re grateful for it you’ll have five moments and if you’re grateful for five moments you’ll have ten moments and then more and more you start living in gratitude rather than in dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction for me is the language of ego and contentment and gratitude are the language of our true self well sticken just I just could sit here and listen to you forever it’s just that’s so profound and gosh I to see it feel so light it’s just amazing it’s just so much richness and everything that you said and it’s almost like it answers all questions I mean we’ll be getting to questions and again I’ll remind people feel free to create bring your questions in but it’s always the same answer and it always comes back to you know it’s just contained in what Dickon said that Sun is always there behind the clouds as always there and one thing I’ve seen recently Dickon because I know Syd you know in the books and talks a lot about gratitude and being grateful and I so heard you saying there you know rather than an attitude of dissatisfaction actually an attitude of gratitude and I’ve been working with somebody recently on that and sometimes it feels like he comes across as almost a bit technique either it’s giving somebody kind of something to put into play when they’re feeling out the game when they’re feeling yeah I just wonder if you can talk a little bit about that what do we really mean by gratitude and and I know it’s just just I’m interested to hear what you you say to that yeah gratitude anything can be turned by ego into a technique but there’s something that naturally and spontaneously happens for people that has nothing to do with technique like I watch little kids and I watch how often they experience gratitude and they’re not doing any techniques now I think it’s been hard for human beings to experience spontaneous gratitude because we’ve lived with such a misunderstanding if you think that you’ve been given a raw deal and that you’re lacking something that is most desirable in human beings love calm clarity perspective compassion if you feel like you’re lacking in those departments even if you learned that it’s possible to work really hard and develop those qualities it’s like for me it was like pushing like the myth of Sisyphus pushing the huge stone up the hill over and over and over again trying so hard to develop calm trying so hard to develop peace of mind trying so hard to develop love and Sid banks came along and he blew my mind he said you already have what you’re looking for and at first I didn’t know if that was true or not but he spoke with such conviction and from his own personal experience of that and he had been someone who had been extremely insecure and anxious and I and I saw him sitting in front of me calm and present and warm and loving and ultimately confident that that was our nature and when I started to allow myself to know the truth of that if you know that you already have something you relax if you think you don’t have it you have to try and trying always generate stress so here you are trying to be less anxious and your attempts to be less anxious to make you more anxious because you had stressed anxiety and that’s like putting gas on a fire and the only thing I knew how to do before I learn these principles was to try and get out of my anxiety by doing something this was the opposite of that it’s realized for yourself the truth that you already have which you’re looking for and see if that doesn’t just hope you rest and that when you rest you can’t help but to begin to fill up with a nicer feeling and when that happens spontaneously and is given to you freely the appropriate response to a freely given gift is gratitude it’s like oh thank you wow that’s cool thanks that’s nice for no reason now I’m feeling good for no reason there’s nothing on the outside that justifies it it’s a gift from life ah nice so I think gratitude is a natural inbuilt human response to receiving a gift thank you gratitude praise natural human responses and so you begin to recognize and appreciate those moments of gratitude more and you get more it’s so funny I don’t know how to explain it but it’s not like when I used to do gratitude exercises it’s easier is easier than I thought to begin to recognize what’s true is easier than any technique on this planet anything you can think you should do or need to do you start recognizing what’s already true but it just strikes me thinking that there’s gratitude and then there’s gratitude it would always say things like they’re seeing and then there’s you there’s hearing that is hearing and there’s knowing and then there’s there’s been attenders gratitude what one is a function of what we try and do and fabricate ourselves and the other is what already is happening naturally and you begin to recognize it become aware of it begin to acknowledge it yeah one one is what is it doing and one is just the beings in it it’s just it’s just a naturally built into us beautiful naturally naturally built into us Steve do you think we should start looking at some questions yeah time’s going on thank you so far pick an otherwise we’re gonna keep everybody up even really late or they’re gonna you know over your side of the walls are they going to be kind of missing work and doing all sorts of things so yeah well we got em join me to do the first one then yeah okay so the question Dickon this is a question from someone I mentioned a name it says is a free principles understanding sorry is a free principles understanding in part or just a cognitive intervention I know it sometimes sounds that way when I hear people talk about how it helps them as they often say things like that they remember that life works inside out and they’re thinking will change how they relax which is a cognitive intervention will be a different one to that of CBT I’d really like you to speak on that as it still confuses me sometimes yeah yeah it took me a long time to really see that deeper is that if for a moment indulge me please just for a moment imagine that the whole universe is a bundle of energy and that you include everything in the known and unknown universes in this bundle of energy and some of this energy is formless and some of it has taken forms so that it’s either visible or measurable or it has a something that it is created that has a beginning a middle and an end and Sid banks would often talk about these two worlds the the world of infinite boundless formless energy that is impossible for any human being to imagine because it’s way beyond anything that people can conceive of by the intellect and throughout history people there have been people that have discovered that we are all intimately connected to this energy or some people call it spirit some people call it God some people call it the quantum field some people call it infinite energy sid bangs when sid bangs talked about thought consciousness or mind he was pointing people toward this infinite formless energy so thought is infinite formless energy that has the power to create everything that exists in every universe I’d never heard anybody talk about thought that way that’s not cognitive let me tell you I studied cognitive psychology for many many years and taught my clients to pay attention to the content of their thinking and I wasn’t pointing people toward the infinite power and potential that can create any thought content so it comes before technique it comes before the intellect it it’s pointing before any psychology content it’s it comes before our experience it comes before our senses as sid banks would often say in his enlightenment experienced he realized what live before time before space and before matter so to get a glimpse and and I believe very very deeply and have seen from my own experience over and again that any human being has the potential to get a glimpse that we are connected to something far greater than we had realized and that any time that happens for people it helps them it settles them down it makes it more reassuring it would be for me if I can use a metaphor before I learn the principles I was anxious all the time or an or or a large amount of time except at certain times with friends or playing sports I felt like a very little wave on the ocean and I would look around and see other people and think that they were so much happier and better and didn’t have my problems and didn’t feel the way I felt and so I felt very insecure because I was a very small wave and Sid banks came along and said no wave is better than any other wave they’re all water and they’re all connected to the same ocean so when I began to realize that as a human being the human part of me was my physical body and in the content of my thinking and feeling and yet the being part of me was never talked about in psychology the being is the part that makes you who you are it creates your particular humaneness it’s the source behind your experience and so the principles when correctly understood are waking up to something that lies before the content of experience and how we’re intimately connected with that intelligence and that it is a beautiful and wise and when we’re in harmony with that incredible infinite beingness of life when we’re in harmony with that you watch how it doesn’t generate and create love and compassion and understanding and it’s really good news for all of us I don’t know if that was the I don’t know if that answers your question it’s not it’s not cognitive psychology that’s the short answer it’s it’s it’s not pointing toward the content of thinking and feeling and experience and the inside talked about by Sidney banks is different than the insight talked about by a lot of people most people when they think of an insight think of thought content that’s going on in your head or brain activity or they think of feelings as inside and for Sid banks that’s all part of the outside world that’s already taken form that’s visible that’s measurable that’s it moves anything that moves is in the world the form it has shape right and the inside Sid was talking about was completely formless energy that is impossible to be understood by the intellect but that as human beings we can Intuit it and people have been intuiting the truth of that for centuries well absolutely incredible because I just I’ve just caught myself there dicking you know with with this that even seeing what I’ve seen in the insights of hand being around you guys and of learning and my life becoming so much easier and better and I still catch myself looking I have what I’m creating internally which is full ya know it’s already it’s too late then it’s already created them yeah well but I’m just gonna get quiet on that one and gosh okay they can we we have more questions and so I shall just read this one out I would sincerely appreciate help with seeing more about why I still experienced a low rank level of anxiety that I do even though I have been teaching the three principles the clinical and community setting since 1994 now I know you’ve touched on this but so somebody has got a free print server and I think this is so rid of them for so many of the us because I think we a lot of us have still got that exception to the rule where it doesn’t appear so so for this person in particular there’s that experience of that level of anxiety so I would like it I want to make extremely clear and we just start talking about my own case there are plenty of times when I still feel anxious it’s not as chronic or it’s not chronic the way it used to there are still times though when I feel anxious and no matter what I do it hangs around for a period of time and it’s humbling but it helps me to see that I’m in the same boat that all human beings are in the same boat and it’s normal to have weather and the deeper year understanding it is true you you do tend to lose chronic and and experiences tend to come and go more easily and you tend to live and nicer feeling more and more and more and more of the time and you start living with more gratitude and you start being less frightened by your own experiences and you start having more faith that you are already perfect inside beyond the form where it can’t be hurt or damaged and that that’s your true self you do begin to sense that more and more and more that’s what we talk about deepening your realization or understanding of the nature of life and yet look at nature it still has storms still has storms I live in the Pacific Northwest I was watching the news today about the weather in the Midwest where they’re having huge storms and Sid banks once said deepening your understanding doesn’t mean that at some point you stay high all the time or up all the time he says you’ll learn how to do your ups and downs more gracefully and that helped me to be more realistic about this to be less judgmental of myself at those times when our gay caught up one time said said if the only thing a human being learned was not to be frightened by any experience they were having that itself would change that person than it would change the world isn’t that something I just I just I find that very comforting of if I can be extremely anxious and not be frightened by the fact that I’m extremely anxious and I’m not fighting it and struggling against it and trying desperately to get rid of it the paradox is whatever you try and get rid of gets stronger whatever you allowed to come through you gets progressively weaker that as your understanding deepens you basically are more like a baby who’s having an experience and the baby is not thinking why is this happening what should I do what does this mean how do I get rid of it and I aspire to be more like that to have any experience and be more like a an infant and just have my experience without adding a whole lot of editorial or thinking about it and that’s been helpful writing through my experiences rather than fighting them and struggling with them trying itto always will give you ideas I get tons of ideas about what I could do to try it keeps generating tons of that’s what your intellect does it generates concepts and ideas I just didn’t know you could ignore that thinking and basically when I get anxious I’ve just gotten a little bit better at ignoring what I’m thinking in other words I’ve learned to be an ordinary schmuck nobody signs up for that course everybody wants to be special or or have no have no more experiences the ordinary schmuck course I love what you said about it I really get that now because before I come across this I I was too embarrassed to admit that I still got anxious and and I suppressed and I didn’t tell you on about it No so as a weakness they come back a fourth I had to cure it and get rid of it but now every time I have a anxious feeling or or you know feelings of social anxiety i it does humble makes it reminds me of what it was like when I was really struggling and every time it happens it’s a good story to share that may help someone else as well which I really like there’s a really good question that I think fits in what you were talking about you may have covered it in a way that someone said if we all have innate health why do we make the mistakes that cause us to suffer have we gone wrong somehow or is it our human experience supposed to induce include suffering sorry well if we’re talking about psychological suffering psychological suffering itself as a feeling created from thought like I watched my grandson for Christmas we gave him this it’s called the rainbow loom and you can weave little colored rubber bands and then you can make these beautiful colored bracelet and there’s all different patterns you can use in levels of difficulty and Jacob my grandson is just turned nine and he likes looking at videos of people making the most difficult level of bracelets you can make on this loom the other day my wife and I were watching him and he worked on it for about an hour because it takes about two hours to deuce for him to do some of the really advanced ones you’d been working on it for an hour a nossa and he looked up at it and he goes oh I’ve made a mistake and he just started taking it apart and starting over again and my wife and I were just marveling there was no upset there was no getting hurt on himself and believe me he used to get really hard on himself and would get really impatient and here he was just being patient and so whatever experience were having if we make a mistake we’re still living in the world of our experience and we will all experience and feel whatever we’re thinking and what I’m seeing is the suffering that human beings have psychologically is really founded at in any moment upon a misunderstanding in other words people are having a strong feeling and at that moment they don’t realize it’s being created from this beautiful mysterious formless power of thought and if you ask them why you are upset they won’t say anything about the power of thought they will say there’s a reason why I’m upset I’m upset because I blew this or I didn’t make this right or I didn’t do something right or I should have done it different right it’s just a moment of misunderstanding which we all have and to me now the experience is not the suffering it’s the misunderstanding that we have that causes us to continue to judge and struggle and to try and continue to generate more of the unhappiness so again coming back to the principles at any moment when I’m suffering it’s been helpful for me to begin to just look deeper to where my present moment feeling is coming from and to realize how this is created from the only power in the universe that has the power to create nothing in the universe that has already been created has the power to create nothing that has been created and taken form has the power to create only this pure energy has the power to create well hopefully that was helpful it’s it’s too bad that I’m not not able to have the person who asked the question let us know whether that was helpful not or if they had a follow up question but hopefully that was helpful and you can always get in touch with any of us if you have other questions and and guys you can send us comments and just let us know what’s on your mind but what I will say is we’ve got still more questions coming in so you could questions and are you okay if we if we run over maybe by 15 minutes or so yeah that’s fine with me are you good with that okay so perhaps we can take a few more of these questions and wow I personally feel like it’s so unnecessary to talk having you it’s just great so I’ll do my bit and just just outline the next question then so the question it well there’s a little comment I like the way you can puts about fault my question is about drugs and alcohol how much there’s those two factors worse than air Falls triggering social anxiety thank you very much if that makes sense thicken yeah it does I’ve worked with lots and lots of people that have had become dependent upon drugs or alcohol to help them feel better and it sure is understandable that if we have strong feelings that are unpleasant I don’t know any human being who would want to stay for long periods of time and those feelings and so it’s understandable at some point people get desperate enough and they’ve tried it enough different things that they look toward something in the world that when they do or when they take is going to temporarily help them feel better I can totally understand that and I’ve seen over and over again that the true cure for any addiction is to find something inside of you that you already have that’s way more desirable than anything you can find on the outside for temporary relief and to realize something that you have within you that’s not temporary that you can trust that you can count on that you can turn toward is I think the ultimate cure so there’s a space inside this is how I’ve been thinking about it lately and I’ll see if this is helpful I hope this is helpful most people are almost always constantly and chronically thinking about things but underneath that mind chatter underneath that noise in our psychological system there’s a space that’s always silent that’s always there and that when people fall asleep at night you can’t fall asleep unless you let go of everything you’re thinking and at some point you touch that space and then you can fall asleep Syd Banks was the first person that I had ever met that said we can wake up to and realize that this space is always there behind the chatter of our babbling thought system and you can become more and more familiar with that space you can become more and more familiar with what it means to step into or fall into that space because we do that every night and falling asleep is not a technique it’s just an understanding that allows us to release and let go and the more I realized that I already had what I was looking for the more I released and let go during the day so it was almost like I was going to take a nap but I was leaving my eyes open and I’d at times experienced falling into that quiet space and Syd says if you can touch that space that’s outside of your conceptual mind that’s outside of your precious little personal thoughts system that’s where you’ll find everything you’re looking for that’s where you’ll find peace that’s where you’ll find love that’s where you’ll find happiness that’s non contingent upon anything in the world that’s unconditional that’s where you’ll find clarity that’s where you’ll find perspective that’s where you’ll find motivation that’s where you’ll find answers to problems that’s where you’ll find Solutions now I can tell you before I learn the principles when I hit a problem I would think so hard about the problem and try and figure out what to do and how to deal with that and all of that thinking made me more and more anxious I was not falling awake I was not realizing that I can’t think my way to solution I didn’t realize that I already had within me what I was looking for but what a joy to begin to discover this fact that’s what Sid would call a spiritual fact that this space of pure being your soul pure consciousness silence is at core your essential nature and at some point it becomes more real to you in your own experience at some point you begin to metaphorically look in that direction more and more of the time at some point you get more familiar with stepping into the unknown rather than trying to figure things out and when you touch that space guaranteed something will shift something was shift and something more beautiful will be created even the most anxious person I know at some point falls asleep if a human being can fall asleep I know for a fact they can fall awake I’ve seen no exception to that so far so no matter who’s sitting in front of me I’m extremely hopeful that there are thought away from falling awake and experiencing truth or becoming in harmony with their experience so they’re not fighting it so even if they’re feeling anxious in a sense they relax into it the ways I’ve seen some women do during childbirth where they will relax into their experience rather than fight against it now I’m really getting in over my head so I better shut up quick experience no I’ve certainly admired my wife and daughter though it’s quite amazing I’m not sure what to say I feel I feel so relaxed just by listening to you dick Ennis there’s been such a pleasure having you here it’s only did you want to add anything I’m at sea thing this has been the easiest hangout that we’ve done I mean they’ve all been incredible oh my goodness me well what what what I’m learning what alone you guys heard delight thank thanks for inviting me women and to the Invisible Man in the corner but I just want to say to people because I feel dickin that you’ve gone way higher tonight I think you really touched you know such profound knowledge information I just want to say to people don’t try and figure a because this this just just if it’s like steam hi here I’m the Invisible Man but you’re sitting in a good feeling like we are and then why am I saying in a good feeling you know that that that’s all you need to know that is all you need to know Sid used to say if you are listening to a talk about the principles and your personal thinking relaxed and you started to feel better you’ve discovered exactly what all the great spiritual teachings have been trying to point out to people that you already have it that it reveals itself to you when your personal thinking quiets down it’s always there it’s just waiting to come through knowing that it’s always there is quite quite healing and quite helpful even when you don’t feel particularly good it’s very very helpful yeah keep it ordinary just sorry carry on no it’s fine I just wanted to end on a comment for you Dickon it’s a nice comment to leave it someone said well so beautiful listening to Dickon I could listen to him the whole night or always kind and loving man thank you I definitely agree agree of what she said thank you so much to him they could no you’re welcome what weather oh the invisible man has given me something thank you guys I’m totally blown away Wow yeah yeah love you Steve they can thank you so so much for taking the time out to be here today and the service that you give to people is just incredible in ways that we don’t even intellectually realize I think you know the depth of what your your sharing and I just wanted to end wave dick and I know you’re you’re planning to be in the UK this year and I just wonder if you can speak to that in terms of is there anything that people can keep their Ryan’s on the way they can find out more information can be popping up because it’s funny at this point I’ve been asked to be a speaker at the to khun kon furan sin may after that I’m gonna be doing a couple of trainings in Sweden and then it looks like I’ll be coming back to England and and doing a perhaps or two day training in near Manchester so we’re working on that now and it looks like that might happen at that time and then I’ll be back in England in October and I’ll be doing a weekend for Rudy and Jenny Canard and they have that posted on their website already and I’m then I’m doing a four day retreat for them the following week and then perhaps being Brighton at some point that’s we’re still cooking that up and perhaps Scotland so that’s that’s a little bit how it’s shaping up and the the trainings in October are posted and the trainings for the tikkun conference are posted and hopefully we’ll have a an announcement soon about doing something in Manchester fantastic and thinking where can people find out more information about you I’ll wait that long yeah my website probably is the easiest way three the number three principals mentoring dot com is is my website or if you just google my name it’ll pop up that probably be the easiest way and you can send me an email that way as well well that’s the lady fantastic and once again they can thank you so much yeah yeah thank you both I love what you’re doing and what a great forum what a wonderful forum and I’ve enjoyed listening to other speakers here so I wish you both well thank you very much and it was great as well meeting some of you in person yesterday because I know you’ve been watching week after week and that you’re getting value from this and just getting your feedback and they’re given that gratitude by gratitude this make I know about you see but it makes it so worthwhile for me you know turning up here knowing that we’re we’re helping people to to look in a different direction towards their health to all their well being so that’s it for tonight I’ll hand over to Steve for closing comments in a moment just to let you guys know we have the wonderful Jane Shipman with us next week don’t miss that don’t miss that let me put a plug in she’s she’s she has one of the sweetest groundings of that I know and just a delightful teacher and just exudes what we’ve been talking about today Lee Jane comes with such a feeling and you know we’ve had her husband tip sharing with us and what a privilege to have Jam next next Monday so that’s then I wish you all a great week and we’ll see you next Monday at 7: 00 so Steve I’ll hand over to you for though for the end don’t think I’ve got anything else to say but looks like coming along and if you have any comments please drop us an email questions at social anxiety inside out calm you know even if you’re not getting anything even if you’re annoyed that some of the things we’re saying or anything this is you know this is hard to grasp sometimes and you know all three of us here on this call have found it hard to grasp then all of a sudden it creeps up on you and you’ll get something when you’re doing the dishes or something else you know it just kind of pops up so if there’s anything that hasn’t been clear just drop us an email and yeah I look forward to seeing you next week really bye everybody bye Tony bye Steve..

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  1. This is the 3rd time I’ve watched this video – today I heard something I’d never heard before that really helped. I’m so grateful – thank you to all involved in making these videos possible!


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