How To Overcome Social Anxiety 2018 – Science + Philosophy
How To Overcome Social Anxiety 2018 – Science + Philosophy
How To Overcome Social Anxiety 2018
In this video I detail how to overcome anxiety with science and philosophy. I talk about cognitive behavioural therapy 2018 and how you can use it, combined with philosopy and mindfulness to stop social anxiety in 2018. These methods will work for how to overcome social anxiety and shyness. I describe a points system thta will help you overcome social awkwardness 2018
Rather than the usual shyness advice I want to make sure you learn from people who have really gone through it. Like struggled with social anxiety for decade and come out on the other side level of gone through it. If this is your first visit to Social Professor make sure you check out the shy to social page and grab the free audiobook ‘how to talk to anyone’ which is going to turn your life around.
your mind races your palm sweats we’ve all been there before social anxiety some people have it more often than others but some people get it every single day in this video you’re gonna learn exactly how to overcome social anxiety in just three steps nobody wants to be stupid or be embarrassed but it’s not exactly like your life’s on the line so why social anxiety so bad well I’ve got the answer whilst it’s hard to remember what a broken arm feels like it’s so easy to remember what social embarrassment feels like but why is this science has proved that it’s actually more painful to go through social embarrassment than it is to go through physical pain this is what a scientific study on the on the topic had to say individuals can relive and re experience social pain more easily and more intensely than physical pain studies 1 and 2 showed that people reported higher levels of pain after reliving the past socially painful events then after reliving a physical painful event Seneca the ancient stoic philosopher said this we are more often frightened than hurt and we suffer more from imagination than from reality so the old saying is true often the fear itself is much worse than what you’re actually scared of science has proved that it’s worse to be scared about losing your job than it is to actually lose your job and the advice that you’ve commonly told to deal with fear is completely wrong most of the time you’re told to just suppress your emotions but what this does is it suppresses your positive emotions but not your negative emotions your stress will soar and the amygdala the part of the brain that most commonly deals with emotions works on overtime but there’s a way to deal with fear and anxiety the most neuroscientists the ancient Stoics and mindfulness practitioners all agree on and it’s quite simple so let’s get into it mindfulness recommends noting which is observing and letting go of your fears as they come by you neuroscience advocates labeling which is pretty much the same as mindfulness except it’s got some Ph. Ds to back it up stoicism has premeditation which is pretty much what’s the worst that could happen and then accepting whatever happens as it does neuroscience also recommends reappraisal which is basically thinking about fears that you find scary and just reframing them so that you don’t find them so scary so is this just a bunch of random tips no they all have something in common you’ve got to use your brain you’ve got to think and you may be thinking I am thinking I’m thinking about all the bad things that could happen but this is the wrong way to go about it you’re reacting through the fight or flight mechanism just like an animal would and we haven’t gone through millions of years of evolution and we haven’t come out on top of the food chain just to act like a lizard does you see we have something called the pre Cottle Frontex which makes us able to make complex decisions so we can tackle our fear in a much more effective way than just fight or flight if you’ve ever had so much going on that your brain just decides to not be scared of something that you’re normally scared of this is you using your prefrontal cortex and what it does when there’s too much going on it just slams on the brakes for feelings this is what a scientific study on the topic has to say about that resources that are used to perform a cognitive task are no longer available for emotional processes accordingly people can rid themselves from unwanted feelings by engaging in a cognitive activity such as doing math equations playing game of Tetris visualizing scenes such as sitting in a double decker bus driving down the street sorting cards responding to colored lights or filling out bogus questionnaires but we’re talking about social anxiety here and you can’t exactly start doing your taxes and mill of a party so this is what you should do instead you should face your fears and although this sounds cliche thinking about your fears in a social situation that you’re normally scared by will actually reduce your anxiety significantly when your brain is switched on you fail you will feel less fear than when your brain is not you see when you face your fears you will be less scared than if you avoid your fears and this is sort of counterintuitive but it really does work and the science to back it up brain imaging findings suggest that extinction may involve a strengthening of the capacity of the PFC to inhibit amygdala based fear responses several approaches to treating anxiety disorders such as PTSD and phobias have been shown to be effective in promoting extinction in essence these therapies encourage the patient to confront the fear and anxiety head on and that’s what each of the techniques that I listed earlier do in just a different way they engage the brain to kick your brain into action and into thinking about your fears instead of just avoiding them alright so now you can understand the brain trickery that is used to remove social anxiety but let’s dive deeper into some of the specific techniques that you can start using today to remove your social anxiety and I’m gonna start with my favorite stoic premeditation when you’re doing something that you’re scared of imagine the worst that can happen imagine you’re going for a public speech so just pace yourself on stage naked and fasting in front of everyone how bad would that be but at the end of the day you’ll come out of it alive so is it really that bad why would you be so scared about what the crowd thinks of you instead deliver the speech to your best of your ability because that’s all that’s in your control you can’t control how the audience will respond to you you can’t completely control whether they’ll like you or not so just focus your full intention on performing to the best of your ability and ignore what they think about you because it’s not in your control all right so you’ve imagined yourself in the worst possible situation that could still happen but you’re still a little bit scared lucky for you I’ve got two more arrows in the quiver and the next one’s going to be reappraisal this one is based on collusive behavioral therapy something I’m really passionate about and basically it says that even though your feelings feel so real to you then not you see when you feel something it’s no more than just some chemicals in your brain it’s nothing to do with the actual event you see in between the actual events and your feelings you have to perceive the event to feel something if you didn’t an event wouldn’t cause you any emotions for example two people sit in exam and they both fail the exam one person relies on the exam heavily to get into University and he thinks his life depends on it so when he finds out he fails the exam he’s devastated the second person who also fails the exam already has a scholarship to become a pro basketball player or something like that and he’s he doesn’t care that he’s failed the exam you see the same event happened but the two people had different emotional responses to the event this means that there must be different ways that the people are perceiving the events and what’s great is you can change the way that you’re perceiving events you see in stories and have this quote and I’ll paraphrase it but it roughly says that no man is to serve disturbed by things but only by their view of the things to put some science into the mix Harvard researcher shawn Achor told bankers to repress stress as a challenge and the results he had was just amazing we watched those groups of people over the next three to six weeks and what we found was if we could move people to view stress as enhancing a challenge in strength instead of as a threat we saw a 23% drop in their stress related symptoms it produced a significant increase not only in levels of happiness but a dramatic improvement in the levels of engagement at work as well so using the two techniques that I’ve just mentioned reappraisal and stoic premeditation you should have social anxiety down to a tee but it’s time to dive deeper into the core things that are causing your social anxiety they call this core beliefs in cognitive behavioral therapy which I should mention is most researched scientific psychotherapy technique to remove anxiety ever and also it’s the most popular and the most effective technique that people are using today to remove anxiety I’ve got a course coming up on that in a week or so so if you’re excited for that then subscribe but that’ll be a big one so if you have anxiety and you’re looking forward to that then I promise you that this course will help you out big time when you’re feeling anxious in a social situation your brain will be thinking what if I bore people what am I gonna do should I’ve worn this dress what if I say something stupid you see the whole time your brain is thinking about me me me so don’t worry about impressing people don’t worry about not screwing up the research has showed that people base a conversation more about how they think they performed instead of how they think that you have performed or how well they think you are as a person you see the problem here when you’re having a conversation with people your brain is thinking me me me me me the head brain is thinking me me me me me and you can see where the problem is this is why have so many bad conversations instead when you’re having a conversation with someone think you you you you you when you’re focused on yourself this is literally what being self conscious is you’re literally being self conscious instead focus on the other person because of course brings self conscious breeds anxiety and fear and that’s the opposite if you want to what you want to be doing so if by thinking you you you in a conversation you ask people Oh tell me more you listen to what they’re saying you actually listen to what they’re saying instead of just waiting to speak your turn then social anxiety will be removed and if you’re super anxious you might be thinking well what do I say to respond well if I say something weird well let’s turn this into a little bit of a game there’s a book called the art of conversation that gives you points on how you respond to people and it starts with six points and it goes down to 0 points 6 points is what you want to be saying in response to people and 0 points is what what you want to be saying what you don’t want to be saying when you’re in a conversation with someone just try keep track or roughly keep track don’t physically count on your fingers or anything weird like that how many points you’re stacking up in a conversation to get six points you provide them with a shared feeling or experience to get five points you confirm their emotions legitimacy you agree with their emotions you say oh I can imagine how that would feel to you you get four points if you pursue the topic if you dive a little bit deeper into what they’re saying ask them a specific question about something they’ve said you get three points if you acknowledge what they said if you say yeah I agree with what you’re saying you get two points of implicit recognition recognition but you still change the topic so you say something like oh yeah I sort of agree with that this is another topic that we could talk about you get one point if you reply on autopilot you say yeah that’s great when you’re not really listening and you get zero points when you contradict them when you outright deny what they’re saying aim for fives and sixes five pointer is giving someone emotional validation when they’re talking about something scary that happens to them you say all that sounds terrifying and sixes is what turn acquaintances into close friends when they’re talking about an event that scares them you say oh the same thing happened to me and that changes the conversation not from me me me me me not from you you you you you but it changed the conversation to us as us as us which is the perfect way to go over your social anxiety..