How Do I Approach A Really Hot Girl Even Though Im Shy As Hell?
In my opinion the difference between a “hot” girl and an “average” or “regular” girl is an illusion that you’ve created in your mind. Could you approach an “average” girl easier than a “hot” girl? Why?
Rather than the usual shyness advice I want to make sure you learn from people who have really gone through it. Like struggled with social anxiety for decade and come out on the other side level of gone through it. If this is your first visit to Social Professor make sure you check out the shy to social page and grab the free audiobook ‘how to talk to anyone’ which is going to turn your life around.
In order to be successful you have to win the war in your mind. You have to accept that you are as equal in value to the hot girl as the average girl. The reason you are shy is because you are going up to her as a supplicant instead of as an equal. You are essentially begging her to go out with you, or do you a favor and going out with you because she is hot and you don’t feel good enough to be with her. If you don’t feel you are good enough then why should she?
That shit has to stop today.
If you cannot convince yourself that you are as good a PERSON as any “hot” girl then you are never going to get what you want. Your issue is self-esteem. You see her as “desirable” and yourself as “undesirable” or “less desirable”. It’s an ILLUSION. You are as desirable as she is. She is as the same as any woman, even if her outward appearance SEEMS more desirable.
This goes back to self-confidence. Self confidence is nothing more than believing in yourself, a thing that can never be taught. You have to convince yourself and believe that you are a good and desirable man and certainly good enough for her. You have to believe it. You have to win the battle in your head.
Perhaps you are shy. This makes the encounter a little more difficult at first but that’s just because you haven’t fully convinced yourself you are equal to her. You are still going up to her as a beggar, seeking her pity, seeking her forebearance, seeking her favor. This is WRONG. You are not a beggar and you are not less than she is.
Stand up straight and square your shoulders. Walk right up to her. Look her only in the eye. Don’t smile too much. Say to her, “Hi, my name is Jay. What’s your name?” Just by asking that question you have put yourself in a superior position. One of two things are going to happen. She’s going to say “Hi, Jay, my name is Adele” or she’s going to say, “Why the fuck are you speaking to me?” If she says the first then you engage in smalltalk for awhile. The goal is to make her smile or laugh. Then she will be interested in talking more. Talk about HER or the WEATHER or something stupid YOU DID and do it in chunks for one minute. Don’t focus on any topic for too long and LET HER DO THE TALKING. Then you’re off to the races. It’s a battle you have won in your head. AND YOU CAN WIN IT.
The second alternative is that she rejects you. Ok, it sucks. But so what? You reject women all the time, passing them over for someone else. It’s going to happen to you, too. It’s often a numbers game. But how she does it teaches you something too. If she is kind or embarrassed, maybe she is shy too. Maybe you just aren’t attractive to her — that is a fair discriminator. Oftentimes women reject the Stranger, not the Man, so it’s not you she’s rejecting, it’s the concept of a strange man approaching her, something that would be intimidating to anyone if the setting isn’t right: But if she’s kind in her rejection, that tells you something about her too.
If she is crude or ridicules you or puts you down in her rejection then you have learned two valuable things – 1) she’s a bitch and you dodged a bullet and 2) “hot” girls can be just as bitchy as “average” girls. See? Beauty is an illusion. And it’s a burden for her, too because guys are ALWAYS trying to meet her, but she doesn’t know if it’s because she’s hot and they just want to be with a hot girl for their own selfish ends, or it’s because of who she is as a person. It’s easy to be attracted to a hot person but even if you meet them you have to qualify whether they have the values you want in a woman, unless you just want to sleep with her and that just makes you an asshole user who is one more person fucking her up.
And by the way, here’s the thing about rejection: it won’t kill you. It stings for a minute but less than a bee, and then you forget it and move on. And guess what? Women (well, people in general) are fickle as hell. Just because she said No to you today, she might say Yes to you tomorrow for whatever reason comes into her pretty little head that day. She’s mad at her mother. She’s lonely. She’s horny now. She wants to teach some guy a lesson. She observed you and saw you were nice. Or anything. No means no at that moment only. After some time passes you can ask again. And there’s every chance she will change her mind.
Beautiful, hot women are no different than average women but you have to believe in yourself to see that. It’s perfectly acceptable to want a “hot” woman in your life but remember that what’s on the outside is no indication of what they are inside. I once dated a supermodel who was totally on fire — and who was the biggest bitch I ever met. When I broke up with her it was a happy day for me. And it did wonders for my ego that it was me doing the breaking up. That’s when you know you have reached a plateau in your self-esteem. Because all my friends were telling me I was an idiot and that I would never find a girl as hot as her again and so on. But she was so awful and selfish that it just wasn’t worth it. It would have been nice if she was hot AND nice. But she wasn’t. As the trope goes, “No matter how hot she is, somewhere some guy is tired of putting up with her shit.” And it can be true.
But in order to succeed with ANY woman you have to BELIEVE you are as good as her, inside and out. It’s a battle you must win in your head and then you can do it.
I am not saying it’s not hard at first, especially for shy people or introverts. But the choice is to accept the love you THINK you deserve instead and it’s always better to have higher expectations, even if you don’t succeed. Even if you are lying in the gutter you can reach for the stars. ‘If you reach for the stars, you might not quite get one, but you won’t end up with a handful of mud, either. – Leo Burnett
And you are not lying in the gutter. You’re much better than that: But first you must win that battle in your head.
This answer originally appeared on this Quora question on Shyness.
How To Approach Hot Girls (Never Get Rejected!)
Learn how to talk to hot girls. This is how to not get rejected.
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MY FREE CONFIDENCE COURSE:
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My name is David de las Morenas.
I’m a strength coach & bestselling author based in Boston.
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what’s going on guys it’s david here and in this video i’m going to show you the best way to approach hot girls so you can avoid rejection and get their number plus you already know it bro we’re gonna head out on the streets to demonstrate this for you let’s get started alright guys I’m visiting my homie Dave in Mexico City what’s going on guys and last time we did one of these videos in Boston he had a very tough time but we are my home turf now bro alright we’ll see what happens the first approach is on me let’s see does it beat yes there’s on ok tienes muchos about those No I mean Chris gave its famous wait bingo you think okay encontrar una me go you know table is get is I said I’ll go with the same Anna yeah that me what’s that e mmoes say who I got the number with the go to Starbucks line hey it works and guys I tripped over my words a little bit in the middle of that interaction I have not been speaking that much Spanish lately but there’s a valuable lesson there and that is that even if you get caught up in your words you say something awkward in the middle of a conversation with the girl you have to realize just to let it go and keep the conversation moving the only way it’s gonna ruin the interaction is if you let it and you keep thinking about it and by the way if you’re enjoying this video so far make sure you click Subscribe and turn notifications on because I release videos just like this every Monday in every Thursday and you don’t want to miss them we had to relocate because there weren’t that many women’s in the last neighborhood we were at and now it’s time for Dave to make the first approach are you ready oh I’m ready bro what’s that B muy bien it’s also had those minute does you know Davey he takes a connoisseur but your soy they may go any for a zone they don’t worry dad so a days sounds in yours better you’ll be walking I come aboard Condesa little closet over there come o I balance a stuff see say now if their dad but come on people meet dad off okay can I get to this thing little one I take away a commune me go that old I see that is they didn’t want to sit up tell me to what that close respect bro thanks bro see ya guys I got the digits but one key thing I did there is that when I sat down I told you I only had two minutes if you approach a girl who’s sitting down the niche is crucial you don’t want her to think that you’re some creepy guy who’s just about to sit down and try to hang out for hours saying this makes her a lot more comfortable and she’s gonna respond a lot more positively to you but bro it looked like she hesitated for a second at the end there before she gave you the number what’s going on you know what I might be looking a little small right now there could be a problem are you thinking what I’m thinking time to get big I’m feeling a little bit bigger and a little bit better let’s get back out there all right guys we’re back in action and it’s my turn now let’s see if those gains paid off bro put on some ice yeah we maybe you consider ghetto in effect you know unless you dad yo they was telling you know sparrow study busy time okay Padres with the other I got we bothered about what about better it is I said Louis I’ll go Louie West is Amana see well dumb it through what’s that mean so I got her Instagram which is clearly not as solid as an actual phone number I guess those games didn’t help out too much bro but that being said it was a good overall vibe and I think one big reason for this is that I use that same opener that I use all the time where I ask for directions and then when they’re answering me I cut them off and tell them that I think that they’re cute and the reason that this works so well is because you’re stopping them with an innocent question and then when you switch it up on them it’s gonna lock them in and create a powerful conversation almost every time and by the way if you’re someone who has bad anxiety when it comes to approaching women then I actually have a free online confidence course for you in this course I teach you a series of small challenges I gave myself to rapidly expand my comfort zone so now I never hesitate when I see a cute girl that I like and if you want to get access to that now just click the I in the top right corner or the link in the description games bro we have not been rejected yet without Valhalla you just got an Instagram I think that counsel rejects it have you seen my Instagram bro you think I can’t convert her with a nice little DM well let me tell you something bro we bout to go hard in this last approach is your turn you ready I’m ready bro ready Don tu sabes Tony La Loma said Starbucks so yeah no I have oh are you liking mr: sushi Ilario I can Alison give you why not good item class today exactly no don’t manage veracruz one request la verdad es que Korea Pacific a as me bonito Korea but when I your 10k upon becoming a bigger pero si quieres but anyways I said I’ll go this is semana okay give us what’s up well uh to nominal alright guys so I got the digits and I used Dave’s Starbucks opening but then I almost let it walk by then I thought why not I might as well ask her to hang out the point is you really have nothing to lose when you’re talking to girls so you might as well take every opportunity and go for it all seriously guys even if Dave had been rejected there he still would have built confidence in himself and felt proud all right guys we’re gonna wrap the video up here make sure you check out Dave’s channel link in the description so how you think a web bro I mean I think it was good it’s unfortunate that we had to blur out pretty much all their faces I’m not sure if it’s a Mexican culture thing or because the girls we approached today we’re older but several of them asked us to blur out their faces for the video anyway I hope that video gave you guys some motivation to get out there and get after it if you made it all the way to the end of the video then what are you doing bro make sure you click Subscribe and you give the video a thumbs up I will talk to you in the next video if I don’t talk to you in the next video I’m gonna be mad bro stay be slow ..