How Can I Get Rid Of Shyness To Approach A Girl?



How to Overcome Shyness with Girls

Shyness can be a debilitating condition for many boys and men, especially when it comes to girls. If shyness has kept you from meeting someone special, read the following steps to see how you can overcome it.

Rather than the usual shyness advice I want to make sure you learn from people who have really gone through it. Like struggled with social anxiety for decade and come out on the other side level of gone through it. If this is your first visit to Social Professor make sure you check out the shy to social page and grab the free audiobook ‘how to talk to anyone’ which is going to turn your life around.

Part One of Three: Taking It Slow

Give yourself a break. Don’t expect to overcome shyness 100% or overnight. Most of the people you meet and talk to have some level of shyness in different situations, too. Shyness is not black and white but on a continuum, so don’t be too hard on yourself, especially when you’re just starting out on your journey of overcoming shyness. A lot of other people are working to overcome shyness, too; you just can’t tell. If you make a blunder, forget about it. Most people are more forgiving than you think. Each time you talk to someone, be proud that you gave it a try

Practice with a friend. When you can practice with someone you feel safe with, you can immediately get feedback and also be rewarded with praise for your efforts. This will go a long way to increasing your confidence. Practice making eye contact but not staring, having confident body language, making introductions, and asking questions. Practice smiling while engaging in conversation. Practice with a male or female to start. Practice in front of the mirror, too. When you’re ready, practice taking a female on a date ask your girl cousin if she’ll play the role so you can hone your social skills. Practice Complimenting her.

Take baby steps. . Start with a smile; show everyone you’re friendly and approachable. Then, move up to saying “hi.” A few days after that, engage in small talk. Keep going as you gradually open yourself up to people. Stop making excuses for being shy. Get out there and do something about it.

Develop compassion. Being compassionate is caring about other people’s happiness and putting your focus on them. Compassionate people care less about the attention being centered on themselves. The more you care about other people, the less concerned you are with how they see you, allowing you to relax in their presence and be better company One way to practice compassion is to reach out to someone who looks like they’re lonely. Ask them for a coffee or eat your lunch with them

Part Two of Three: Becoming More Confident

Let things roll off your back. If you want to succeed in friendship and romance, you can’t take every comment or joke as a personal affront. People sometimes say things they don’t mean and you also might misinterpret what they’re saying. Self-blaming or exaggerating your faults can only harm your heart and your chances of meeting that great girl!

Learn to face rejection. Great boxers go in the ring knowing there’s a chance they’ll lose. Similarly, you can’t expect to succeed every time. No one is a 100% match and not everyone will get along. Instead, view every encounter with a woman as a positive learning experience. By putting yourself out there and being rejected, you’ll realize that being rejected isn’t the end of the world. You’ll never succeed if you don’t try. Not asking means never getting that first date!

Be less self-conscious. Shyness and hesitation occur when you think about your flaws. Instead, focus your thoughts entirely on the woman you’re talking to. You’ll forget about your jitters and she’ll be flattered by the attention. Remember that most people you meet are too busy worrying about what others think about them to really notice and judge you. Look around and realize that people aren’t laughing at you or judging you.

Cope with social anxiety. Conquer your fears of speaking to girls socially by building your confidence. Training similar to cognitive behavioural therapy can guide you through confidence-building exercises and you can attend groups or personal counselling, or use an app to do it on your own. There are also TED Talks for shyness that can inspire you and give you hints. Practice using real-life situations and measure your shyness and anxiety before and after. You’ll see that your shyness and anxiety decrease as you practice more and your confidence increases.

Part Three of Three: Becoming More Comfortable in Social Situations

Get out and socialize. Join activities that you are interested in and in which you’re always interacting with people, such as a team sport or a hobby club. By having to interact with your teammates, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to practice conversing. Get to know your teammates slowly over time and become more at ease chatting with them. Seek a role in the group, such as timekeeper or note taker. When you have a task to fulfill, it takes some of the pressure off chatting.

Initiate conversation. Try some icebreakers such as mentioning you’re in the same biology class or that you really like her cool purse. When you are out with your friends or family, try to initiate conversation within the group. After a while you’ll become comfortable engaging people in a casual manner.

Talk to someone who is alone. Chances are, she will be happy to have someone else to talk to. Helping a girl have a good time at a party that she was dreading will not only increase your confidence but make you feel good for helping someone out.

Talk to a lot of people. Don’t be afraid to chat up everyone you meet, from the senior doing her groceries to the bank teller. Practice makes perfect and the more outgoing you are, the more comfortable you will become. Slowly increasing your efforts to talk to new people is what psychologists would call graded self-exposure and is a common technique in overcoming fears.

-Be real. Be yourself. Many girls are good at spotting braggers and show-offs and those types can be a turn off. Girls do tend to like funny guys who are just being themselves. Don’t worry about a clever opening line. Though they might work on TV, most girls think they’re cheesy. Instead, start by introducing yourself and ask her how her day is going.

Always be prepared. When you find yourself in a group situation at school or work, be prepared to exchange pleasantries. For example, someone may ask if you’re doing anything interesting over the weekend. This is a great opportunity to share something about yourself and, at the same time, extend the conversation and show interest in what she has to say. When you go into a new social situation, try to have an idea or two in your back pocket of something interesting you can bring up but not in a showy way. Don’t rehearse what you’re going to say. If you try to verbatim remember something you practiced, you might get flustered and embarrassed if you forget what you were going to say. When in doubt, ask her about herself. Girls love it when you show interest in them and really listen.

Learn to listen. Don’t do all the talking. Ask open-ended questions and just sit back and listen. If the conversation lulls, have new conversation topics ready. Try not to monopolize the conversation talking about yourself because she might not be interested in all the same topics as you. Ask her questions and show that you’re really listening by asking additional questions that build on what she just told you. For example, if she mentions going away with her parents for the weekend to their cottage, don’t start talking about the cottage you went to last weekend but instead ask her more about the cottage or her parents. Respond appropriately. Don’t just make it 20 questions. If she asks about you, answer her.

Go somewhere interesting on a date. If you are fearing the conversation part of a first date, go to a movie or other activity first so you have something mutual to discuss afterwards.

This answer originally appeared on this Quora question on Shyness.

How To Approach A Girl If You’Re Shy – How To Ask A Girl Out If You’Re A Shy Boy

Are you shy around girls? Does your shyness stop you from approaching women?

Let’s Face it, rejection is scary. But, can you imagine a world where everyone lived in fear of it and never faced their fears? Is the fear of rejection REALLY worth spending the rest of your life lonely? I personally do not think so.

The only thing to Fear is Fear itself. The only way to overcome fear is to do what it is that you fear the most. You basically have two choices:

– Let your shyness and fear of approaching women destroy you and your chances of meeting that special girl.

– Let it MOTIVATE you and increase your chances of meeting the woman of your dreams.

To stop being shy around women you have to overcome the fear of rejection.

Stepping up and doing what you fear is a RUSH! Think about thrill-seekers and the money spent doing things such as bungee jumping or sky diving. The difference is, you have the possibility of getting an amazing payoff in the end. Don’t fear rejection, understand there are plenty more fish in the sea. And when you get past your shyness, your confidence and level of success with women will improve dramatically. So cast your shyness away, be confident, and approach that girl!

Here are a few things you should be sure to convey:

– You are NOT desperate

– You are dominant

– You are spontaneous

– You are sincere

Notice how none of the above mentioned are about HER. In her eyes, You should be able to attract women like her with no problem, she’s no big deal. You do not want to sit and stare instead of approaching immediately, she will sense your shyness and the fact that you are nervous. Nothing is more attractive to a girl than a confident man. Have you even seen the fat or ugly guy with the beautiful girl? Looks are secondary to most women.

Have confidence and be direct!! For example, when you ask for her number, have the pen and paper ready as if you already know she is going to give it to you. If you are genuine and approach a woman as “yourself”, she will see the courage and confidence behind it. You will almost never get rejected. If you prepare yourself, look your best, and stop being nervous, you will likely find a woman that will be receptive when you make your approach.

Text version:

so if this happen to you whatever you do approach a girl in the daytime she gives you this sweet lovely reaction but it’s a bit too much it’s kind of the the reaction she would give a cute little dog a cute little puppy she’s like oh that’s so sweet thank you so much you’ve made my day and she kind of raised her tonality and she dips her head to the side and she kind of a little like almost like a tap on the head and then she goes ah but I’m really sorry but you know I’ve got a boyfriend and I’ve got to go and and straightaway she wants to end the interaction but her tone towards you is that of like as if you’re a child or something and we call this the thing that creates this reaction is what we call the puppy right and it’s something you’re doing you’re behaving like a puppy and we call it like the puppy phase of the learning journey through daygame and there’s a simple thing we tell the guys in boot camps no one wants to shoot a puppy all right already she shouldn’t do and the reason why guys behave in the way I’m going to describe in a second is because they don’t to be shot they don’t want the girl to reject them they don’t want to to come across as you know creepy or I don’t know annoying aggressive bold rude you know they want to come across as a nice guy so they approach the approach a girl in a way that completely eliminates any possible chance of rejection or any kind of you know any chance of anything bad happening the problem is is that you’re coming at this you’re approaching the girl not trying to achieve what you want but trying to not achieve what you don’t want if that makes sense you’re not going what you want you’re just trying to avoid what you do not want to happen because of that it’s not going to go the way you want okay because what she senses from you is this kind of this weakness it’s like you’re treading on Vice not wanting to fall through the ice alright and what it comes across as the way it looks is you’re you’re raising your tonality hi hi sorry to bother you hi can I just say something I just saw you like raise finality maybe you’re speaking very very fast because you’re trying to again you’re a nice guy you don’t take up too much of our time maybe you’re speaking quietly because you don’t want other people to hear or you don’t want to scare her or make her see you as any kind of a threat and all these things combined and also maybe you’re smiling way way too much it’s like a big what I call the big gay smile constantly smiling so all these things combined it just you come across like a puppy like a sweet innocent puppy and of course she’s no one is ever gonna say anything bad to you when you behave like this no one’s going to want to shoot the puppy all right the problem is you’re never going to get very far you’re not going to get much further then I go pat you on the head and saying aren’t you cute are you an adorable cute little boy you know so we need to move past this and the only way to get past this apart from just constant desensitization which is one path but a much quicker path is to realize why you’re doing it is to realize you’re doing this to avoid the pain of the rejection or to avoid maybe the the socially constructed ideas of what is rude and what is not good to do and how not to behave you need to realize what you’re afraid of and then you need to actually move towards it you need to go out there and actually try and get rejected to try and be perceived as rude or whatever it is the thing that you’re desperately trying to hide from the thing you’re trying to avoid if you go into the interaction and actually seek that thing out then ideally in an ideal world you’ll actually get it you’ll you’ll you’ll get rejected or you’ll the girl will look at you like oh like what not what an arse oh look at this guy being so rude to me but what you’ll realize is the behavior that’s going to get that kind of reaction is way way further way bolder the new creep you previously thought you’re operating in this lake you know treading on this thin ice not realizing that the ice is really fucking thick you know and you meant to go ice skating on this on the sides but you’ve been like tiptoeing along it you know not being able to to operate and so if you do this if you push yourself towards the very thing you’re afraid of you’ll find that girls will start reacting you very very differently no longer will you be approaching the girl like a cute innocent puppy but you’ll be approaching as a man and that’s Wayne wait wait wait more attractive finite or not don’t take everybody I mean they go out you’re the same as everybody yeah yeah they’re so nice here hi no it’s very selfish of me I didn’t know it’s gonna rain but I guess gonna rain oh this completely I’m prepared I know I’m real I’m usually very prepared yeah not today but I’m fictive no it’s all going to shit today yeah okay this is not a very good sign now in life I know you know big you must have a job that doesn’t involve any authority or responsibility actually yeah okay so I want me to talk louder to the point where you think you’re being rude I want you to talk slower to the point where you think I’m taking up her time I want you to keep your tonality down to the point where you think you’re not being polite anymore maybe you’re even sounding like you think you’re being abrasive I want you to smile less to the point where you think that you’re being impolite or you’re being rude all this kind of stuff you need to push the edges of this tiny little comfort zone that you are clearly in because if you’re getting reactions like like the puppy reactions are that’s so sweet she’s not perceiving you as a strong man she’s not perceiving you as a as a sexual being she’s perceiving it was a sweet cute innocent boy who’s kind of you know you know the dog that’s run up and said I like you right and you do you don’t want to be that guy so if that is happening to you you’re in this tiny little comfort zone you need to push those boundaries so hopeful bets hop guys and if you want to take this thing to the next level you want to push your day game as far as it’ll go then I highly recommend the the day in boot camp where me or one of the other instructors or whatever we take you out for the entire weekend in one of the major cities of the world and we get to all kinds of crazy shit and we get you to take your day game to the next level and information for that is in the link below you..

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Comment (16)

  1. Be a REAL man and ask for the number
    When you are meeting her, do not weakly offer your business card or stammer out that you might want to see her some time. Do you think the guys in the romance novels she reads charge in on the white horse and then look away as they offer her their business card? Look in her eyes, smile and ask her for her number. She might reject you but at least you made a STRONG play.

  2. TIP: Curiosity and mystery are attractive to a woman. The next time you meet a woman, make it a point to hold at least one piece of information that she asks for back from her. Tell her, that you’ll “talk about it next time you see her.”

  3. The key to learning how to approach girls is to dare create a spectacle that most of these women have never seen or experienced before. Sometimes the best routines come from the men who aren’t afraid to try out an unfamiliar one. Make an effort to fascinate women using new methods that energize and liven up a conversation. Be willing to do what no one else is doing.

  4. You have to be able to make her feel attracted to you when you are talking to her.

    You can’t expect a woman to feel like going out with you is going to be fun if she ends up feeling like it is a drag to have a conversation with you. For that reason alone, you really need to be able to engage a woman in a fun and flirtatious conversation. Anything less than that is going to end up making it harder for you to make her feel like she wants to date you.

  5. You need to then come back, but acting in a different way around her.

    This is one of the most important pieces of the puzzle. If you come back and go right back to being her best guy friend, nothing is going to change. She is not going to suddenly want to rip your clothes off and fool around with you. She is just going to go right back to seeing you as her friend and nothing more. You have to become a flirt when you are around her. You have to make her smile, make her giddy just to see you.

  6. I’m not saying any of this is easy and being introverted can be a detriment, but it is not impossible to overcome as long as you decide right now that you will take the steps necessary to be the best you can be mentally, physically and emotionally. No matter what, that is a worthy goal. As I wrap up these dating tips for introverts, the last piece of advice I have for you is to never take women personally. Everyone has their share of rejection but you only need 1 good girl to make it all worth it.

  7. Where you meet her is going to say a lot about her.
    Okay, so the trendy little club where it’s easy to hook up and have a little fun might be a good place to go when you are just looking for something casual. On the other hand, if you are hoping to find someone who is really right for you, you might want to pay a little more attention on where it is that you are actually looking to meet a girlfriend. You can’t expect to hang out where quality women won’t go and end up running into one.
    You have to know what personality really meshes with yours.

  8. For example, if you ask a woman straight out what kind of man she likes, she will probably give you the answer that sounds the best… but is not really the kind of guy that she actually dates. Like, when a woman says that she wants a nice guy, yet her track record shows that she really only dates bad boys. That kind of thing.

  9. Maximize your potential for finding a girlfriend by getting out of the house as often as you can.

    It might be fun to sit back on the couch, load up a video game and just chill out for the night, but you know that is not going to help you get a girlfriend. You aren’t going to meet any women that way, right? If you are really serious about wanting to find a girlfriend quickly, you have to maximize your potential for meeting women and that means that you have to get out of the house as often as you can.

  10. And then, you will get to a point where it does become easy, you will feel confident and you’ll actually find that you are better than most guys are.

    The instant that you decide to make approaches instead of just “checking women out” is the instant that you move closer to success.

    Another limitation that I want to touch base on… is the idea that you need to be rich to attract women.

  11. Have an honest conversation
    When you are able to get talking to a woman try and have an honest conversation. Don’t be superficial when you speak. Instead, use your intellect to build a stimulating conversation. Women very rarely reject guys who they can talk to and those who do are not worth pursuing.

  12. There is little about a man who slouches or sidles or looks diffident attracts a woman. In addition the old adage “It is not what you say, but how you say it” is only partially true when attracting a woman. How you say it makes a difference, look directly at her and use a real smile. What you say, yes, that makes a difference, there are few things less attractive than a pickup line this attractive woman’s grandmother heard in her youth.

  13. Each time that you get a little more direct with what you are saying… you want to pull back and be a little more indirect. This way, she kind of gets the impression that you might be trying to pick her up, but at the same time – she’s not quite sure if that is what you are really doing. This causes a little bit of an emotional roller coaster for her, a little confusion, and a little bit of sexual tension… all at the same time.

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